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All you need is love?
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It is a nice notion and the Beatles are great, but when it comes to a real life relationship it requires more than love. There is nothing wrong with being a romantic, but if you fail to look at love in a more pragmatic way you risk leaving yourself vulnerable to undue heartache and disappointment. For those who seek to have a lasting meaningful relationship it is important to realize that for there to be a healthy future for that relationship there are more elements to consider other than emotions.
The love element is very important. A relationship needs the spark of passion and the deep emotional bond if it is going to last for the long haul. But we all know that we have loved people that are not good for us and are not worthy of being in a relationship with. The feeling of love is not reasonable, it is simply a result of chemical combinations. Science does not know why we fall in love with the people that we do but there seems to be a chemical and hormonal basis. This is especially true for women. When a woman has sex there are bonding hormones that are released. These bonding hormones mixed with pheromones and excitement cause women to feel connected to that partner. This connection is often confused for love. Other feelings that masquerade as love are obligation and familiarity. Before you convince yourself you are in love, you must recognize if it is a true and lasting connection or if it is pseudo-love. Real love requires the feeing of connection as well as time to get to know who your partner is. It has beed said that love is knowing all of someone’s faults and wanting to be with them anyway.
Once you have decided you are in love for real you must analyze what type of relationship you want and if that person is capable of fulfilling that image. It is ok to be selfish with what you want because if you give up what you desire in this special relationship, it will only lead to problems and resentment in the end. If you want marriage, kids and a mini van you need to make sure the person you planning on being with is on the same page. Even further, if you are not capable of financially supporting such a scenario, your partner needs to be. This sounds cold and very unromantic, but the truth is that the number one cause of divorce in this country is financial issues. The key is to understand this so it does not create problems in paradise down the road.
Finally, people are not magnets and opposites do not attract. The opposite attraction may be exciting in the beginning but will not work for the life of the relationship. You do not need to find your personality twin, but the Big 5 need to mesh. The Big 5 most important areas to attract on are family and child plans, religion, financial goals, intellect and education, and shared life ambitions. It is ok if you like Frosted Flakes and your partner likes Lucky Charms, but if you have always dreamed of three kids and your other half just wants a dog, that is a problem. In a situation such as this, it is not fair to make either one of you compromise on such a major life issue. Subsequent articles will expand on the Big 5 and why they are so important.
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