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When long distance hits home
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Aw! Cute, right? Yes, it is. Holding hands is a great way to start things off, and always a great thing to go back to.
So, as was addressed in the last article, long distance involves web cams, chatting, cell phones, and more. For this generation, those things are easy to master, whether you're 15 or 40, at this point you know how to use a computer fairly well.
So what about when the girl or guy that you've been dating online for months decides to come visit? That might sound great, but it can also seem scary. When you talk for an hour or two every day on the computer or on the phone, you end the conversation and eventually go back to your regular life. When she/he is in town though, she becomes a large part of that regular life.
One of the first worries with your "special someone" coming to town is the worry that the chemistry won't be there in person. You're used to talking, sure, but what about the physical part of relationships? Will the physical chemistry be there at all? And although this may be where some may expect some sugar coated words of comfort, that sadly isn't going to happen. The chemistry could or could not be there, you can't know for sure. There are a few ways to make sure that you don't misread things or mess things up for yourself, however.
For starters, when he/she comes, depending on how far away they live, they may be tired out from all the travel and possibly be suffering from jet lag. So do NOT expect everything to be super happy puppy love the second they arrive. It may take some time. Be cautious and understanding and although it may be hard, give him/her time to rest and recuperate.
After rest, start things off slow. No pressure, no big dates or adventures or touring the town. How about a movie night with plenty of popcorn and candy? That way, they feel more at home in your area and not overwhelmed with all these different things going on. It's just you, him/her, dimmed lights and delicious food.
That brings us to the next thing, which is the physical part. Now, even if you have been dating for months now, and the relationship has definitely matured in that time, physically it is still young. Feel things out first, make sure he/she is comfortable. Then, eventually you can move in for holding hands. Be sure that you don't skip straight to some "intense make-out session". Not a good idea, probably. Make sure you take it slow and only take it as far as is comfortable for both of you. Religion and standards play a part in all of this, so make sure you both are aware of the boundaries and keep it slow and steady.
Another thing you have to learn is patience. Patience can be your best friend in a situation like this. You may find that you both have some pet peeves that were undiscovered previously. Being so far apart is a sort of sheltered environment, so when they come, it's all out in the open. Some things may bother you that he/she does, and vise versa. So be patient with it, because it will take some time to adjust.
After all these things, if the chemistry still isn't there, you may just be out of luck. It is up to you whether to continue the relationship and hope for the best or to make the tough decision to discontinue the long distance. There are many factors that may play a part in your specific situation, and if they are not addressed in these articles and you feel you need a more narrow blend of advice, feel free to email any questions that you have.
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