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Helping children adjust in an everchanging world: the emotional meltdowns of Asperger's Syndrome
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Oh, no. It's coming. You've just informed your child that you need to run an errand instead of going straight home from school. Get ready, it's about to hit! Here comes the tears, the cries, the screams and wails of a child that can't handle the transitions of every day life. Many kids have trouble with change, but for a child on the autistic spectrum, such as one with Asperger's Syndrome, small changes can mean huge meltdowns.
Most kids do well with routine. It is good to establish a set schedule and practice keeping it regular. Making a schedule for getting up around the same time, having consistent meal times, time to do chores, homework, and even having a set bedtime is beneficial to all kids. It allows them to feel safe and secure as they know what to expect on any given day.
Life today is busy. It can be crazy at times. This often forces a change to the regular schedule. Maybe there is a doctor's appointment or a holiday event. While a parent might not think it is a big deal to drop off a letter to the post office, a child with Asperger's might just freak out by the event. To them it is destroying everything they have found secure and familiar.
It is not just a change in schedule that can cause havoc amongst these kids. It can be a change in anything. Maybe a change of scenery, a change of decorations, moving to a new house, going to a new school, or something as little as rearranging the chairs in a room that can force kids with Asperger's to extremes in emotions.
Over the years we have witnessed this with our own son. My life is busy, and although our son insists that we must drive straight home from school, there are times when I need to pick something up or drop something off at the library. When this happens it is a pure panic from the back seat with shouts of "Where are we going? Why are we not turning? What's going on!? Why?" Even if I hope to surprise my kids by a trip somewhere fun after school, it is still met with huge disappointment and frustration. I laughingly joke to my husband when I say one day I'm going to show up at school and announce that we're all going to Disneyland, and they won't want to go.
As far as non-schedule changes, I have witnessed my son getting upset at the smallest of things. One day in particular the chairs at church were changed around to face a circle instead of rows. My son, normally happy and excited to participate, instead became withdrawn and angry. He sat slumped down in his chair refusing to talk or do anything with the other kids.
What exactly is a meltdown? Although the word meltdown might make you think of huge crying screaming tantrums, it really can be expressed in different ways.
According to Dave Angel. who contributes to The Parenting Asperger Blog, children with Asperger's can react in a variety of ways to show their distress, such as:
- Anguish – Worry and anxiety over the possible consequences of an event;
- Ballistic – Sudden, often violent, reactions to change;
- Despair – Remorseful, resigned behavior to a perceived tragedy;
- Meltdown – Catastrophic behavior; as if “the world is coming to an end;
- Obsessive – A concentrated focus on the changing event to the exclusion of all else.
Although we often refer to it as a meltdown, our son often portrays more of the despair reaction to events. He won't make a scene or cause a fuss, but if you didn't know what was going on one might think his best friend just died. For example, one day his regular class was skipped to lead him right into group time with kids in other classes. He responded to this change very quietly, of course with tears streaming down his face and the look of true despair. While the other kids and teachers looked very concerned and wondered what terrible event had taken place, he just continued sobbing silently. This is often how we find our son. It might be the smallest of things, but he will become emotionally distraught.
So, what to do? How can we save these kids from the anger, the fear, and the pain that comes from everyday transitions? Here are a few ideas that have worked:
- Set up visual charts and schedules for the child that they can look at.
- Prepare the child ahead of time if a non-scheduled event is to take place.
- Talk to teachers and relatives about how changes may affect your child.
- Offer the child a safe, non changing environment they can always go to when upset, or
- Allow the child an object, toy, pillow, etc, that they may hold in an unfamiliar environment.
- Try to make up a regular day to day routine or schedule and stick to it.
Over time, these emotional meltdowns may not ease up and the child may not outgrow them. However, steps can be taken to try to prevent such emotional distress in kids with Asperger's. Our rule of thumb is to always warn and prepare our Asperger kids of anything different before they see it or deal with it. As our oldest son has matured we still pull him aside and prepare him for when the chairs are different or an event has changed. He often seems annoyed that we are bugging him to show him the changes ahead of time, but it's better to be safe than sorry.
We've noticed a lot of times our sons can have meltdowns and not even know exactly what set them off. It is often hard for a child with Asperger's to verbalize their feelings or to exactly pick out what is wrong. It is hard when so many things in life change and not too many things remain constant. Even if you can't figure out what is upsetting your child, you can hold your child and express your love for them. Tell your child often that you love and care for them. In a world so unstable, the one thing that can be constant is your relationship with your child and the love you share.
For more information on Asperger's Syndrome and coping with change see: Transitions in Asperger Syndrome, Asperger's Syndrome Meltdowns: How to Cope, and How to help your child with Asperger's cope with change.
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