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Finding my place at the table
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Women: Find i inspiration to help you thrive in today's challenging environment 11/12/09 Houston
I remember it like it was yesterday; just an ordinary day in 5th grade. All of the girls were all changing and growing in different ways both physically and emotionally. One day the girls who were my friends for years no longer wanted to talk to me. As Heidi Klum says on Project Runway – “One day you’re in – the next – your out!” And so it goes in the lunch room. I was not the best a sports and I missed the ball one day during a kick ball game at recess. Instead of kicking the ball, I ran towards it, stepped over it, tripped over my legs and fell flat on my back. I was the talk of the 5th grade class that day. Everyone laughed as I got up, dusted off my jumper, and quickly readjusted my socks. Never mind that my rear end really throbbed and my thigh had a scratch on it. Never mind that the rim of my glasses was bent. My pride was much more damaged than any physical injury sustained. The day got worse when I proceeded to lunch with my little brown bag in tow. I approached the table that I have sat at all year with the girls I thought were my friends and find out that I was no longer welcome! Eyes began to roll, snickers and sighs as I approached all indicating that I did not belong there anymore. I nonchalantly looked around, acting as if I had no intention of sitting there, and swayed off to find an empty table where I pretended to eat my lunch. No more laughing while we put Fritos on our bologna sandwiches. No more swapping dessert – a Twinkie for a Little Debbie - I was officially eating lunch alone. All over the fact that I tripped over a ball.
I realize now that it really had nothing to do with my skill as an athlete. It was all about peer pressure, fitting in and blending with the crowd. This still goes on today in every lunch room across America. For any given reason that seems to make sense at the time, girls are left feeling rejected, left out and alone. Ask any grown woman and you will hear that this is a phase and it will change as we grow up. Just ignore it and this too shall pass. Maybe it is right of passage, a character building exercise that makes us stronger women for the future. Whatever it is, most women have experienced it at some point in their own history and most would agree it sucks!
Finding where you fit in 5th grade is an awful lot like finding where you fit in your profession and your work. A recent article in Time Magazine titled “The State of the American Women” (Volume 164. No. 16 2009) compared a poll from 1979 to the same poll in 2009 and had some surprising results. Congratulations! By then end of 2009 women will outnumber men in the workplace at 50.2%. This is largely due to the down turn in the economy and how it has hit men so hard. The article indicates that the growth trends in jobs markets will be in nursing, customer service and retail – all jobs historically held by women. Forty percent of women are the bread winner for their families which brings more power and tougher choices for women. The article also pointed out that while women have gained more freedom, education and economic power we report being less happy. While many theories try to explain our lack of happiness it can’t be pinpointed to one cause. Theories include women experiencing the same pressures and conflicts that attributed to male unhappiness many years ago, women being more honest about what is really bothering us, or that our modern lifestyle is just more stressful for women because we work more hours, while taking on the majority of care giving at home.
Finally the article suggests that while our society has completely shifted, our work environment has not evolved as quickly as the women’s movement. Both women and men agree that stress is increased due to the lack of social supports such as flexible work arrangements and affordable child care offered by employers. While both men and women agree that it is best for children to have a parent working and another stay home, the reality is that less than a third of kids are raised by a stay at home parent today.
So here is the conundrum. Women have worked hard over the years to redefine their role in society. We are now more educated, more powerful with more prospects than ever. So why are we unhappy? Why is it so difficult to strike a balance and find a place to fit in? Why is it so hard to attain financial security? Women report that now more than ever before so much is asked of them and never before have the delivered so much.
It's time for women to take a good hard look at where we are as a society and whether or not it is working for us. Child care, unequal pay etc. will never change unless we, as a society and as group, step up to the challenge. Maria Shriver commented in her article in Time Magazine “The Unfinished Revolution” (Volume 164. No. 16 2009) while we have made great strides more work needs to be done. Forty years ago, women were shunned from opportunities at work. Now women are an accepted, vital, important part of our economy. If balance, fairness and financial security are what we want and need then we are the ones that will need to create it. More and more women are leaving companies and starting their own businesses. More than 35% of all self employed people are women. This is one way to say that the status quo is unacceptable and forge out to create a better solution on our own. Another way to seek change is to reach out to others. The Texas Conference for Women will be held on November 12, 2009 in Houston and is bringing together women from all over Texas to inspire and inform women on how to thrive in today's environment. You can find out more information and sign up at http://www.txconferenceforwomen.org/
My 5th grade lunch fiasco experience turned out to be a blessing in disguise like most challenges in life tend to be. I only sat at the empty table by myself for one day. The next day an old friend who was going through the same junk that I was came and joined me. We spent the rest of the year, swapping our lunch treats, playing jacks and coordinating our outfits to match. We are still great friends today and have spent our lives supporting, helping and encouraging one another wherever our paths have taken us. Women must continue to the work of our mothers and grandmothers, ban together, and find new and better ways to improve the work environment for our daughters in the future. Live by the words of Maria Shriver and her mother Eunice Kennedy and believe that “Women have a unique power to change the language, tempo and character of the world.”
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