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The secret life of moms: low libido
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Diapers, soccer practice, play dates, dance recital, sleepless nights, runny noses – endless excuses abound for ignoring your sex life when you become a parent. What do you do if lack of action in the boudoir isn’t just a phase, but a lack of libido?
We can beat ourselves up for all kinds of perceived sexual shortcomings, but there are ways to bring the fire back to the bedroom. You’re not just a mom; you’re a sex machine. Although, you may not feel so sexy after pregnancy and upon discovering the post-pregnancy floppy belly and extra weight that just won’t go away.
Bees do it, monkeys do it; sometimes even dads and moms do it
I’ve had candid discussions with other new mothers, and I’ve been shocked to learn just how little romping is going on in the homes of some new parents. Sometimes it is due to relationship problems, other times it can be a continuation of refraining from sex during pregnancy due to high risk issues. There are myriad causes, it seems, and we don’t always have time to sort them out while changing diapers. We all have problems with time management once the kids arrive. Despite these obstacles, there are ways to bring back the fire. You work to keep a marriage alive or a child fed and schooled, and, sometimes, it takes work to keep your sex life going as well.
Libido and hormones
Libido can vary from woman to woman and even during phases of life. Certain medications can lower libido. Some studies indicate that birth control pills, antidepressants, and even breastfeeding can zap the longings of your nethers. If your libido has changed and you are concerned, this is absolutely a topic that should be brought up with your doctor. Your sex life is part of a healthy life, and there may be a simple remedy.
A recent American survey revealed that 43 percent of women and 31 percent of men identified themselves as having one or more sexual problems. For women, the results are eye-opening:
- 33 percent have low sexual desire
- 24 percent reported inability to come to orgasm
- 14 percent said they experience pain during sex
According to Marcy Holmes NP, Certified Menopause Clinician, and Dixie Mills MD, hormonal imbalance is one of the more identifiable factors in low sex drive. Huge hormonal changes occur during pregnancy and after. Estrogen is in flux as the post-pregnancy mother recovers. Hormones play a large role in affecting so many parts of our mental and physical responses, so it goes to show that the large ebb and flow of female hormones in a new mother can cause havoc in your sex life.
Stress and diet
Stress plays a big role in low libido, as does nutrition. Long-term dieting, especially a low-fat diet, seems to have a strong effect on libido because your body needs lipids (fats) in order to produce hormones, particularly testosterone which is essential in sexual response.
When you identify that libido is lacking, search for the cause. If stress is a factor, seek new ways to reduce your stress. Yoga, taking walks with your partner while pushing a stroller, and other forms of exercise can make a big impact. If hormonal imbalance is suspected, talk to your doctor. Examine your diet to see if you include adequate amounts of healthy fats such as olive oil, fish and avocadoes. If needed, seek the advice of a dietician.
Being aware of your body and its responses is essential to repairing what is lacking with your partner. Happy parents make for happy kids, and your sex life is an important part of that bond. So, look at the problem, seek a solution, and work your way back into the sack. Remember to be patient and gentle with yourself and your body.
What solutions have you discovered to find your mojo again?
Other articles of interest:
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Fretful Mother: breastfeeding is beautiful, until you do it to someone else's baby
Fretful Mother: finding sanity for the Nadya Suleman octuplets
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