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Parenting Kids - Are You A Hellicopter Parent?
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Always hovering nearby
As a parent, do you guide your child but then let your child make his or her own mistakes and learn from them? Or, do you step in and fix the problem in between being his or her full-time maid, cook and chauffeur? In other words, are you a helicopter parent?
What Is A Helicopter Parent?
A helicopter parent is one that "hovers" over their children 24/7. Most helicopter parents do so in the name of love and can seldom see past that. Helicopter parents have high expectations for their children and as a parent, feel it is their job to do whatever is necessary to get them there.
How Does A Parent Turn Into A Helicopter Parent?
Within seconds of giving birth, we know we would do anything for our children. We baby proof our houses, we make sure they eat healthy, we hold their hand as they cross the street, and we protect them from harm. While they protective gene never leaves us, we do need to start realizing they are little independent human beings that need to grow apart for us. For some parents, that realization never comes. They continue to “hover” over ever paper, calls the teacher weekly, emails the coach and then moves up to pulling strings for internships and writes the child’s college essay.
How To Avoid Becoming A Helicopter Parent
It is hard for parents to see our children fail, get hurt or even be sad. We have a natural desire to jump in and make it better. We want to shelter them from the anything negative and prevent them from suffering in anyway. But as parents, we need to see past the immediate issues and look toward the long term. Sure it is easier to simply fix a problem but we need to think what is best for the child, what they will learn from the experience.
If as parents we continue to step in and fix all of our child’s problems from an unfinished assignment to forgotten soccer shoes to over-sleeping to wanting to go to a party and not study - what will happen? They will see this as acceptable behavior and not take any responsibility to stop it from happening again.
It's hard to watch our kids learn that there are ramifications to their actions when they end up getting a bad mark or miss soccer practice. They get upset and at first don’t understand why we didn’t fix it for them but, if we do they'll never be able to become independent, free-thinking adults. Stepping in is not always helping them. As parents, we must learn to stop the hovering, to back off and let them succeed and/or fail on their own.
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