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Keeping it all straight with Grass
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Not about your lawn
Hold on. . . just need to light this up. . .gotta be in the right frame of mind to talk about this, and what with poking around in search of the, uhh, proper materials and the whole ritual thing, it took up a little time. I’m a pipe man, myself. One quick hit, just enough to breathe in without coughing your brains out. Always seemed as if the smoke trailing off the end of a hand-rolled went to waste, you know? Has anyone actually determined for sure whether there’s any sense in trying to hold the smoke in? Heard it both ways; one group insisting that holding it in allows more of it to get circulated through the system, while the other group says that it’s not the smoke, per se, but the chemical components of the smoke that create the effect and whether you hold it in or not, those chemicals start working their way toward the bloodstream and on up into your head where they gather round and do their thing.
What was I talking about? Oh, yeah, right. . .Grass, a card game for two to six players, designed by Jeff London in 1980 for a company called Eurogames, at a time when most of here in the US had never heard of ‘Euro’ games. The two are not related, not even in a second cousin, twice removed way. Went poking around on the Internet to see if maybe there was any ‘back story’ to this game; some related history or a tale about its designer being a well-known dealer or inventing it while doing time on Cell Block 13 somewhere (remember when “13” was a secret code for the stuff? T-shirts, psychedelic posters and spoken conversation intended to disguise the fact that “M” was the 13th letter of the alphabet). . .where was I? Oh yeah, back story. . none apparently.
There’s always been the tendency to refer to this game or talk about in hushed giggles, usually accompanied by somewhat dated phrasing, like, cool man, you ever played this game, Grass, man? It’s really far out. There’s this deck of cards, see, and you try to collect these cool stash cards to get the biggest stash, and like, well, it’s really cool . . . therein, of course, lies part of the problem with this game. It’s got so much going on that anyone in an ‘appropriate’ state of mind is going to have a hard time remembering all the stuff he/she needs to remember to be able to play it. I mean, it’s got Peddle cards, Heat On cards, Heat Off cards, Market Open cards, Market Closed cards, Skim cards, Protection cards, Pay Fine cards, Nirvana cards and Paranoia cards and they’re all tied up in this game that’s a clear re-implementation of the French card game Mille Bornes.
This is your mind. This is your mind, playing Grass
Start with six cards, pick one up off a draw pile, lay one down, either on your own display or an opponent’s. Repeat until the deck runs out or someone hits a certain amount of money. Sort of like “Lather once, rinse, repeat,” which the cosmetics firms that make these shampoos hope you read in the same way the old joke goes – Pete and Repeat are in a boat. Pete jumps out. Who’s left in the boat? Repeat. Pete and Repeat are in a boat. Pete jumps out, etc., etc.
Like Mille Bornes, Grass can pick up some speed if the draw pile happens to be arranged in a manner conducive to such speed. In Mille Bornes, things can come to a grinding halt if a player has a “Stop Light” card on his “Battle Pile” and for the life of him/her, can’t seem to draw a “Green Light” card to continue playing (the equivalent in Grass is Market Open and Market Closed). Said player can watch in mute frustration as his/her opponent merrily lays down points, turn after turn after turn to game over, sometimes. Grass takes this formula and squares its complications with card trades, stealing, protection for played cards (you can’t steal opponent’s point cards in Mille Bornes) and a few inexplicable options like playing a card that loses you a turn (Sold Out), or two turns (Double Crossed), or completely wipes out the Stash you’ve accumulated (Utterly Wiped Out). Is the idea here that you’ve got seven cards in your hand (having just picked one up from the draw pile) and they’re all Paranoia cards, leaving you no options but to play a card that costs you a turn. Or two. Or the sacrifice of everything you’ve worked for up to that point? This three-variant set of Paranoia cards does create a ‘pass card to opponent’ effect, with which you can get rid of other Paranoia cards in your hand, but at what price? Not to mention the fact that there’s a point penalty when a hand is over if you have any of them in your hand. But why would you ever want to play one? There are only eight of these in the whole deck. What are the chances that one person is going to have them all in his/her hand? Geesh, that gender-sensitive construction is awkward. I think I’ll switch to my favorite . . . my favorite what?
Something proponents would never do
Hold on. . re-load. .
There is, however, the issue of trading with this game. Opponents can be put in the mood to trade by offering lucrative deals. I need a Market Open card. Anybody wanna trade one for a $50,000 load of good old Panama Red? There are six varieties of the ‘stuff’ in the game, ranging from cheap home-grown at $5,000, on through other stuff-producing countries - Mexico (another cheapie at $5,000), Colombia ($25,000), Jamaica ($25,000), Panama ($50,000) and a hybrid (apparently) called Dr. Feelgood at $100,000. Those labels always got to me. This stuff or that stuff was supposed to be ‘the best,’ and like wow, man, you get your hands on Panama Red and you are, like, out there for days.
Days? Who wants to be out there for days? I got work in the morning. Can we just go with the home-grown for now? And what happens if your home-grown got started with Panama Red seeds? I lived in Panama for two years, when you could get a weight oh-zee for around $50. Getting back stateside, these labels were used more to jack up the price than they were for identification of any particular strength. Stuff all pretty much looks the same, although to be honest, there’s an aroma quality to bags of it that can tip you off about the strength. Once had a truck driver pick me up hitching who asked me if I’d care to, uhh, participate and pointed me to a carry-bag. When I pulled a plastic bag out of it, he said, “Oh no, not that stuff. That’ll put me to sleep. Grab the other bag.” Labels are pretty much meaningless, in other words. It’s good stuff or not-so-good stuff. Puts you to sleep or perks you up. Good seeds, good stuff. . .where was I again?
The whole trading thing takes this game to a different level, I think. Not necessarily a superior level, mind you, just different. Best, I’d say, to get the crowd together and run through the game without ingesting anything first. Just to kinda get the whole rules thing down. Probably best to play it for about a week, so those rules really get nailed down in your head and won’t be as susceptible to any memory lapses that are likely to occur when you add ‘real stuff’ to the ‘stuff’ you’re trying to accumulate in the game. Things can really bog down (as they can with Mille Bornes), when the player numbers start to climb. Best probably, with two or three at most, and although the rules to this don’t embrace partnership options, they could easily be employed if circumstances warrant.
Been out there on the Geek since the beginning in. . .now, which button do I push to see that Geek logo that says. . whatever, since. . whenever. I forget. Anyway, it’s been around for a while and only picked up 546 ratings, with an average of 5.99, so no great shakes in the community. The comparison to Mille Bornes is obvious and a lot of people think it’s not as good. Others do. Others think it’s an improvement, while still others don’t like Mille Bornes to begin with. I always thought Mille Bornes was a decent, albeit simple-minded sort of game. Fun in its own way, but not likely to hit the table at any serious gathering of gamers. There are other more engaging exercises.
As to Grass, I think, maybe, that the experience can be enhanced by the application of ‘stuff’ to the proceedings (Official disclaimer: the author neither condones nor encourages the possession or ingestion of controlled substances of any kind. Are you listening, DEA, FBI, CIA, ABC, CBS and Fox News?). Again, though, if you own it (and there are copies available through the Geek’s Marketplace, including one – “vintage” sayeth the ‘man’ – for $30. I’ll take a little of whatever he’s got), you might want to run through it before you add any ‘enhancement’ or ‘enchantment’ options; it’s not that it’ll make the game better, by any means. It’ll just make it easier to actually play.
Oh, did I mention it comes in a hemp carry bag? I didn’t? It does.
For more info: www.boardgamegeek.com/boardgame/427
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