RSS
Home
Manners and dating don't mix
Print
Email
RSS
Subscribe
As we enter the dating scene again in our 40s, most of us have had a time lapse from the last time we dated. For me, it was 15 years. A lot can change in that time, and one of the main issues we face is the slow erosion of manners and basic civility. .jpg)
Photo: Deutsche Telekom
Photo: Deutsche TelekomThe most dramatic shift is in communication. 20 years ago, Miss Manners was addressing the age-old problem of why men don't call; today she's taking questions about why men will never call and only text.
20somethings think this is the only way to communicate, while we more seasoned delicates spend 10 minutes just trying to figure out how to type an exclamation point on a tiny phone keyboard. There's nothing worse than being excited about a prospective date and getting only a text the day before dinner from him that says simply, "Cya 2morrow." Not only does it lack romance, but it lacks class. I have to wonder if he takes shortcuts on his already condensed communication, will he whip out his Blackberry at the dinner table, or worse, check it over my shoulder during a kiss?
For the record, I do my best to keep up with technology. But the fact remains that it's hard to get to know a person when they won't actually speak to you. First date etiquette has changed from the man calling a woman and asking her out to a woman winking at a man on match.com, after which he emails her, once, and they meet for drinks in a few days without ever having uttered a word to each other.
Blind dating has become mute dating as well. There is something about hearing a person's voice that is reassuring before meeting a total stranger. The voice will tell me if he is a serial killer or not. A voice can break the deal sometimes; I once did speak to a man before a date, and his high-pitched, Mickey Mouse voice was a total buzzkill for me. Another man left me stalking messages that started off with, "Hey, youuuu..." like the cheesy guy everyone tries to avoid at the company picnic. I sent him an email in return stating that I wish I had as much time to talk as he apparently had, but unfortunately I was overcome by events and could not go out on the date as planned.
Was this a weak response? Yes. But it's my life and I'm not spending time with a man who gets all my red flags waving in the first voice mail. So, what's the etiquette for delicately declining a man who less than thrills you? That's the next in my multi-part series on dating etiquette: the gentle art of deflection.
Related Articles:
Add a Comment
It's a fact: singletons in our 40s dread the holidays. Being the lone purveyor of Halloween treats or cooking a turkey for one can be daunting. But …
