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Lose the abuse: all about emotional, verbal and physical abuse
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If you find yourself like this, seek help
Physical abuse is pretty easy to spot: if a hand comes flying at you and smacks you across the face, or anywhere else, that's physical abuse. But a lot of people may not know how to decipher verbal and emotional abuse or the warning signs and factors that can lead to these kinds of abuse.
Verbal and emotional abuse are very serious matters and they can often lead to physical abuse as well. Emotional abuse may be easy to brush off and excuse in the beginning, but its effects become harder to ignore over time. A bruise on your body can heal in a couple days, but emotional scars are deeper and don't heal quickly. In fact, I would argue that verbal/emotional abuse is more destructive and long-lasting than physical abuse.
Most people don't quickly recognize emotional abuse. It starts out with just a hurtful comment your partner says. You may quickly get over it, but if your partner repeatedly batters you with these comments, eventually it wears down on your confidence and your self-esteem. You begin to feel worthless, and what's worse, you actually may feel that you deserve this treatment. You think, well if they keep saying it, it must be true. Maybe I really am worthless. You get comfortable in the relationship and soon, you are stuck. You think, well he/she said they were sorry. I'm sure it won't happen again. We're going to counseling, they will change... blah blah blah. The excuses are endless. But then it happens again... and again... In reality, the person doesn't change. You wake up every day, wondering, who am I, where did I go? Everything you thought you once were is clouded with doubt and pain caused by the demeaning comments your partner makes.
Demeaning comments is only one of the many signs of emotional abuse. Do any of these ring true?
- Does your partner interrupt you, override what you were trying to say and/or doesn't let you speak?
- Does your partner isolate your from friends and family?
- Is your partner controlling, especially over finances, and doesn't let you do things you want to?
- Does your relationship go back and forth from being emotionally close to distant?
- Are you afraid of your partner?
If any of these sound like you 1) GET OUT NOW and 2) know that it is not your fault.
Do not stay in any kind of an abusive relationship. You can't fix an abuser. There are several reasons why they abuse, but none of them justify the abuse and none of them are your fault. The longer you stay in that kind of relationship the more you will damage yourself. It won't stop unless you get help and get out of the relationship.
This may be the only time I say this, but follow the example of a celebrity, Rihanna, "I will say that to any young girl who is going through domestic violence, don't react off of love. F love. Come out of the situation and look at it in the third person and for what it really is." Even if it was a "one time" beating, do not stay in the relationship. "I stayed. I even went back after he beat me, which was wrong," the singer tells Diane Sawyer during her interview on Good Morning America. "It's completely normal to go back. It's not right. I learned the hard way, but again, this is what I want people to know."
If you or someone you know is going through any of the situations explained in this article, please do not hesitate to get out of the situation and get help. If you think you may see some warning signs or are experiencing any kind of abuse, treat yourself with respect and leave the situation. You deserve to be in a loving and healthy relationship where you are uplifted, happy and cared for.
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