Jennifer Aniston's new movie, Diddy's still not sitting coach and I really hate Hugo Chavez

Yo, yo, check it! Who am I? Come on
G, who am I? I'm OJ in prison, dawg!
HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Just my luck I'd end up sitting next to Pauly Shore... 
Celebrities like Diddy are flying commercial now. Is there anyone left who isn't questioning how screwed the economy is?

"These are the new leads. These are the Glengarry leads. And to you they're gold, and you don't get them. Why? Because to give them to you would be throwing them away. They're for closers."
That stock might not be worth the paper it was printed on to you... unless you feel like a Caribbean vacation.

Yeah... but it's not like he was the good one
Washington's Huskies have a new ape man at the helm.

Never again.
Dear Mossad, please head directly to Venezuela and introduce Hugo Chavez to your Krav Maga style. Sincerely, The Jews.

Gillian Anderson's way hotter
Obama's pick to lead the CIA is X-File enthusiast Leon Panetta, who also happens to be a proponant of declassifying as much as possible.  Five bucks says we find out Joan Rivers is really an alien.

Stock pick of the week: Delorean!
This doctor not only believes time travel's possible--he's gonna build a time machine. No word on whether he's finished the flux capacitor yet.

Mr. Serious? Mr. Gibson? I'm sorry, but you're going to have to get off at this stop.
The Metro system in Tasmania, Australia passed a new rule banning anything offensive from its buses to prevent atheist campaigns.