Rejects cover Brintey’s Womanizer, Jamie Lynn’s clone and diets that won’t turn you into a dog

January 2, 12:09 PMExaminer.com TodayDave Flomberg

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Huh. That didn't sound anything like "Kiss from a Rose."

No, it’s not a drug-addled Jorma Kaukonoen dream sequence…
Jelly Bellys, mermaids and a final resting place for your ash urn are just a few of the awesome collection of sites you should see in San Francisco.

It’s okay, but it’s no MiniKISS doing Rock and Roll All Nite or anything
All American Rejects are right. Their cover of Britney Spears’ Womanizer is better.

"You’re not Santa. You smell of beef and cheese. You sit on a throne of lies."
Low-carb diets will not make your gallbladder explode or turn you into a dog.

An ERA of 2.28 WITH a batting average of .342?? Impossible!
Need more proof that the Designated Hitter rule ruins the game? How about the fact that it’s tacking on years to Barry Bonds’ career?

I don’t understand the words that are coming out of your mouth
“However, there are no ETF’s that specifically short US Treauries.  Ok, there is one, but I hate it.  It is the SHV and when you look at the chart you will understand.  I was looking for an inverse of the TLO, but what I found was a technical mess.  I cannot recommend this for any sort of trade.  I posted the Index behind the chart to see what I was expecting the ETF to be the inverse of.” Um. Okay. Totally makes sense. Do that. That thing you just said. Yeah. Word.

Um, that’s totally for like, security purposes and stuff
This new system makes remote video monitoring stoopid easy. News stories about pervert landlords using it in their tenants’ bathrooms in 3…2…

Why couldn’t you get Bobby DeNiro or Dustin Hoffman?
L.A. Police force unwitting body-double into imprompteau appearance as Jamie Lynn Spears.

NRA to sponsor new “please don’t talk during the movie” preview trailers
Man talks during movie. Other man shoots him, now claims self defense. Strangely, theater management not charged for inflicting the Curious Case of Benjamin Buttons on either of them.

"This is Ron Burgundy, proudly reporting once again for Channel 4 News. Today's story is one of the more remarkable things ever to happen to San Diego or even the world. But in order to properly retell it, I'm going to need some help from my co-anchor, Miss Veronica Corningstone."
WGN weekend anchors Bob Jordan and Jackie Bange have come up with a curious way to spend the commercial break.