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Knowing when to leave
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Couple by Tina Phillips
It’s been great for the last few months. Really. It almost feels like a relationship but it’s not and that makes it even better. You know in the back of your mind that if this was a real relationship, you’d have to be home at a decent hour and there certainly would be no chance of hanging out with that cute manager after work. But instead you get to go out as late as you want with whoever you want without having to check in with someone waiting up at home.
And as an added bonus, you get to visit a few times a week and get to play with the goodies, cuddle, and feel that closeness with someone that you can’t get when you’re single. It may not be the type of relationship that would make your mom proud, but it works for you.
But now that you’ve gotten to know each other past “what’s your favorite position” you find yourself wondering how to tell when it’s a good time to get out?
You want to date other people
The sex has been great but you don’t feel a connection – a real connection. You know you’re not going to meet each other’s parents or attend your cousin’s wedding next year. It’s just not that type of relationship. But you know deep down inside you want something more than just sex and the occasional breakfast. You want to be able to visit each other’s families during the holidays and taking long, romantic weekends together. But you won’t be able to do that with the friend you’re having casual sex with. It’s just not the same.
Before you decide to enter the dating world again as a sincere participant, end the casual relationship as a regular occurrence, except maybe for the occasional “booty call” or drunk dial. However it would be easier and faster to make that real connection with someone you care about when you’re heart (and other parts) are free.
Mr. / Mrs. Right
Like entering the dating world, it’s best to be fully released from the casual relationship when you meet someone you seriously want to date. If you unintentionally meet someone, the transition from a casual relationship to a serious one will occur much faster. Be honest with yourself and your partner in that you’re ready to let go of the causal relationship entirely. You may even have to as far as to completely end this friendship to satisfy the wishes of the new partner and grow together as a couple, so be prepared to do so. But if you found that someone you feel a true connection with, someone who you see yourself with long term and not just into the next morning, leaving the casual relationship behind is more than just worth it.
Got feelings?
The hardest part of being in a casual relationship is knowing when to stop. And it’s even harder when feelings are involved. It’s easy for feelings and affection to develop for one person or the other, especially in a relationship in which sex is involved. If feelings are equal for both partners than the casual relationship has progressed in it’s own way to a different level. However, if you’re the one with the feelings and you know your partner does not, how ready are you to give yourself to someone who does not love you back? Or if you realize that your partner may be falling for you, how do you expect to step away without hurting anyone.
Now granted, whether feelings have developed for one partner or the other, the relationship can continue. You can ignore how you feel or how the person feels about you but is that healthy? Or will you only end up hurting someone or yourself?
The only safe way to end a casual relationship, no matter how fun it may be, is to be honest. Tell the other person you’re ready to start dating again. Who knows, maybe you’ll get lucky attempt a serious relationship together – after all, the tricky when-to-have-sex debacle is already over with. Otherwise, make sure s/he knows that you’re seeing other people and take a step back to do so. If you continue to participate in the casual relationship as if nothing has changed, then nothing will change. And if begin to feel affection towards each other, do not try to hide it. Do not lie about it. Be honest and discuss it, whether or not it hurts. After all, it’s only sex – you can always say no.
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