Making a break up as painless as possible

June 2, 9:14 PMRelationship Advice ExaminerJennifer Tjon

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Breaking up is hard to do. 

Dear Jennifer,
I've only broken up with a few women in my ten years or so of dating and I hope not to have many more. I know there's no easy way to do it and I've tried to be as gentle and as diplomatic as possible. Also, it was my sense on each occasion that the feeling was probably mutual. Yet, each time, the women became terribly upset, either very angry or very depressed. Two of the women were crying and one woman slapped my face. Does it sound like I'm doing something wrong, or is this just par for the course?
Scott

Dear Scott,
Even if the break up is mutual, it’s always hard to hear that someone doesn't want to date you anymore. You should take their upset reactions as a testament to what a skilled lover you are and try to not lose any sleep over it. That being said, maybe your break up technique could use a little guidance. Where I'm usually an "honesty is the best policy" kind of gal, break ups are the one place where honesty just might get you slapped in the face. If you're breaking up with a long-term lover, or someone you've been cohabitating with, then they deserve to know the whole and honest truth as to why you're breaking up with them. If you've fallen in love with someone else, that is a hard thing for anyone to take and there's going to be at least one broken heart. Omission might be the way to go here but that's a judgment call. If it's someone you haven't been dating that long, it's probably not the best idea to tell them that you don't want to see them anymore because they are bad in the sack, or because someone hotter came along and is willing to date you. Try the good ol' "it's not you, it's me." It's a classic for a reason. I've used it when it was definitely them and not me at all. It's been used on me and I'm pretty sure it was me in that case. All you can do is be as honest as you can and try to not unnecessarily hurt any feelings on the way.
Yours truly,
Jennifer