RSS
Home
Are you a fearful parent?
Print
Email
RSS
Subscribe
Put your fears in your backpocket.
My biggest fear has always been that my children would inherit my fearfulness.
So, in my both my married AND single-mom life, I put my own reluctances and fears on the back shelf right from the start. I stuffed them deep into the diaper bag and then transferred them into my back pocket, all the while hidden from view. I pretended I didn’t even know they were there.
In the beginning it was easy. I watched my toddlers experiment with too-tall block towers, and unless they were in imminent danger, I didn’t scream “No.” I allowed them to learn from their own mistakes when it came to climbing one or two steps or even jumping down three. I wanted to keep them from disappointment, but knew that completely paving their first years with padding would not serve them, or me, well.
When my kids were a little older I sat on my hands and kept my mouth shut as they climbed metal jungle gyms and swung as high as a swing would go. You know, when you’re just positive they are going to do a 360 degree flip over the bar, but then the chain relaxes and they plummet gleefully back to earth? Those are things I’d never have done as a child. I had to close one eye to watch them. I also once, pregnant, had to walk across one of those wobbly playground suspension bridges to rescue my then three year old son from the top of a slide when he changed his mind.
As they got older still I encouraged rides on roller coasters, sleepovers with friends, speaking up, laughing loudly, and taking calculated and appropriate risks. I strove to lead by example by getting on horses, white water rafting, traveling alone with them, and sending my son and daughter to overnight camp. I hoped that from these experiences – with me and without me - they would learn that jumping in head first can be exhilarating and fun, even with trepidation. To them, the feeling of being scared of something, either a lot or a little, doesn’t mean don’t or won’t or never. Fear does not stifle them as it had me, it is simply a fact of life to be considering while they’re busy living.
Putting them first has served me well. I’ll ride horses even if my children aren’t with me. I travel alone when I can. I was able to start dating again in my late thirties. I now raise my children alone, with a strong hand and soft heart. All of this I attribute to watching them grow and learn, and growing right along side them – even though at the time, I didn’t know I was doing it. Perhaps I benefited most of all.
As my kids traipse through adolescence, which is scary enough on its own, I’m pleased with where we all stand. We’ve weathered many storms and continue to forge ahead. Reassurance and encouragement and have played a much more vital role in our lives than has fear. For that, I am truly grateful.
Related Articles:
Comments
Duncan and Jack Connolly, 9 and 7 year old brothers from Chicago were found dead in rural Putnam County, Illinois earlier today. The boys had been …
Today Oprah gets unprecedented access to the FLDS Yearning for Zion (YFZ) Ranch, where one year ago, over 400 children were taken into protective …
