Emotional intelligence - part 1

January 28, 9:25 AMSF Marriage and Relationships ExaminerLisa Brookes Kift

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What is emotional intelligence?

Emotional intelligence is a set of skills that helps us recognize, contain and communicate our emotions.  Many people who struggle with keeping relationships have low levels of "emotional intelligence." 

What attachment has to do with it:

The ways we have experienced connection or disconnection with others, going as far back as early parental relationships, shapes our expectations and way we relate to others.

Attachment relationships play a large role in the development of the brain.  The security - or insecurity - of a child's early attachment relationship shapes their view of themselves, others and the world around them.

If you didn't have early (and later) relationships where you felt nurtured and satisfactory levels of emotional safety, here are some of the ways your adult relationships may be impacted:

• You don't know how to work through differences without getting mad or tuning out.
• You often feel betrayed by others.
• You're in a pattern of unsatisfying relationships.

Five tools of emotional intelligence:

According to Jeanne Segal, Ph.D. and author of The Language of Emotional Intelligence, there are a number of ways to communicate in an emotionally intelligent manner.  She calls them:

• The Elastic
• The Glue
• The Pulley
• The Ladder
• The Velvet Hammer

See Emotional Intelligence - part 2...