3 Signs Your Marriage is in Trouble

November 2, 2:12 PMSF Marriage and Relationships ExaminerLisa Brookes Kift

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Is Your Marriage in Trouble?
Dreamstime.com

Most people don't get married thinking they're going to divorce. They think, "It won't happen to us." The reality is that marriages are work and require due diligence in paying attention to red flags if they come up. If you injured yourself and were bleeding, would you keep going about your business without tending to the wound? Hopefully not. I encourage you to begin to think of your marriage as a living entity that needs attention when in distress.

The first step in being more tuned in to potential problems in your marriage is to be aware of what's going on between you and your partner. Much of the issues manifest as disconnections in a variety of ways.

Here are 5 signs your marriage is in trouble - and needs tending.

1.Little Talking. If you and your spouse are barely grunting at each other at the end of the day, there is clearly a disconnect. Find out what's going on and focus on getting back on track. As much chaos as life can often bring, it's important to take an emotional read on each other as well as express interest in the other.

2.Little Time Spent Together. Red alert, red alert. If you and your spouse don't hang out much anymore - just the two of you - it's important to re-establish this connection. Schedule a walk together once a week if need be. Whatever it takes.

3.Sexual Intimacy in the Toilet. If your sex life has been flushed down the toilet - then your marriage might eventually be as well. There is no such thing as "normal" in sex frequency for married couples as long as it's on the table in a way that works for both of you. Shake things up a bit to get it moving again.
There are further signs of marital distress (infidelity, substance abuse, depression) that can stem from the above mentioned being left as an unattended wound. If the wound is left to slowly bleed, you may have more of a gash in the marriage than you ever imagined. The more blood flow, the harder to revive.

I work with a lot of couples and I'm convinced that if they had addressed the red flags early on they wouldn't be at the distress level they often are by the time they get in to see me. In other cases, a long marriage can bring with it a slow disconnect that goes almost unnoticed until bigger problems start showing themselves.

Couples who pay attention - and address things that come up - are lmore apt to avoid bigger issues down the line.

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Lisa Brookes Kift is a marriage counselor in Marin and author of The Marriage Refresher Workbook for Couples, a marriage counseling alternative for issues around disconnection.