Mother's Day

11:30 p.m., May 10

It’s the eve of Mother’s Day, my second since my daughter was born. While most people probably are thinking about the perfect gift and brunch reservations, I have been contemplating how to articulate what it means to me to be a mother. My constant refrain is that it is an absolute privilege to have a front-row seat in this journey/marathon/extreme sleep-deprivation challenge. And since Meilee’s birth 19 months ago, I have been unable to articulate the depths of emotion I experience every day from minute to minute as I witness her discovering the world and exercising newfound capabilities.

We talk about teaching our children values and providing them excellent educations. But I would argue that parents are the students, because in rearing children we receive life lessons that, it is hoped, make us better humans. From conception on, every decision parents make affects their children. Think about that. It is at once an overwhelming and awe-inspiring prospect.

While I was pregnant, I was never more aware of the benefits and consequences of everything I consumed or experienced. The lesson: Your body is a temple. My body no longer represented just the physical incarnation of myself; it had become a life-giving and sustaining force. I indeed was eating for two. In nine months, Meilee grew from a speck to an eight-pound-six-ounce infant, who now weighs 25 pounds and can say more than 75 English and Mandarin words.

In the first year, and especially in the first few weeks and months, trying to navigate parenthood subjects even the most confident people to moments of self-doubt. When Meilee developed red bumps all over her face, I quickly consulted several books and online sources to try to diagnose the problem. I concluded it was probably baby acne, which is quite common and should not cause worry. But, paranoia set in and I found myself on the phone with the doctor’s office, talking to a nurse who assured me everything would be all right. The lesson: Trust your instinct. In the words of Dr. Sears, you know more than you realize.

Over the course of the past year and a half, I have been reminded repeatedly that everything happens in due time. The lesson: Patience is a virtue. It’s easy to get caught up in encouraging early achievement. But when your baby is ready to eat solids, she will eat solids. When she is ready to walk or speak, she will do so. I tried to teach Meilee baby sign language, because that’s what so many parents are doing. I quit that effort for a few reasons, one of which was that I had developed an intuition about Meilee’s needs and she learned other ways to communicate. Now, we have conversations and she can call out “Mama, sip sip” to ask for water – which she just did as I was writing the last paragraph.

When Meilee is crying uncontrollably or she’s whining, it’s easy to get worked up. I have to remind myself of this important lesson: Stay calm. Staying calm helps keep the hysterics to one side and eventually deflate the situation. Here are some other lessons:

    * Enjoy the simple things, such as making silly faces and laughing just because.

    * Carpe diem: Children live in the moment. Adults need to do it more.
    * Do one thing at a time: Children, especially younger ones, require that you focus on them. You can't multi-task and expect a child to be satisfied. She will cry or complain until she gets your full attention in that moment. It's not bad advice. Even when I have a full plate at work, I tell myself that I can physically finish only one task at a time.
    * Embrace wonder: I will forever find enchantment in the memory of Meilee trying to touch a ray of sunshine.

Happy Mother's Day
Topics: Family Life , Mother's Day , Tips , Life Lessons , Perspectives