Thanksgiving survival guide...seasons of compromise

November 7, 11:12 PMChicago Conflict Resolution ExaminerMary Millett

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From the desk of

photo courtesy of sheilasultani

Lifetime Thanksgiving is cherished.  A year at a time it's often NOT. Nothing surprises me more than folks shocked by Thanksgiving meltdowns.  It might be the circumstances of any given year, but more likely there is nothing more complicated to blame than a difficult group and family intimacy to pull-off.

Whether hosting or attending, by adding or inserting new dos, you can spare yourself and others the more difficult task of eliminating the don'ts:

1. Eat well before the big meal.  Hungry people are vulnerable to "bad behavior".  You'll still enjoy the spread, even after a big breakfast.
2. The evening before Thanksgiving is statistically the beginning of the heavy drinking season.  Don't do it.  If it enhances your day, hold on until it's time for a drink or two before the meal.  Let the extras wait until the group dissipates or moves on to other locations.
3. As Host, split guests in smaller groups and send them out for the last minute "forgotten" things.  Try "Extra pop, please?"  Send another team out for the "Extra ice, please" five minutes later.  Every hosting family has tempos and traditions.  Hold on to them, but don't insist that every guest be a part of every moment or activity.  That's a trap for head-on conflicts between family members.
4. As Guest, ALWAYS contribute prepared food.  Don't hem 'n haw if you didn't find out what's needed or were put off by a "super host".  Just bring 2-3 useful (delicious doesn't hurt) foods.  Forget something and you've got your chance to steal away an unsuspecting errand buddy!  And fresh "air".

Based on past holidays, you'll know if early or late exits work best.  Consider new traditions of moving some of the group on to another local for fun.  But do not plan on returning to the Host's home and do not be insulted if Hosts' are happy for you to all party on without them.  To paraphrase a wise friend, leave before you're no longer interesting!

You'll have a great time and look back and remember the occasion as refreshing, instead of taxing, or worse, a misery.  If these ideas are big changes for you, askmarynow@sbcglobal.net to get the same benefits out of your specific gathering!

More Info:  About.com, AssociatedContent.com, ehow.com, Lynn Herrick Photography