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Top 5 most commonly asked noob questions
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Top 5 most annoying questions asked by tuner noobs
The internet is a breeding ground for information exchange. Communication between two people who have never met each other in two parts of the world can take place in a matter of seconds. Knowledge is shared and spread at an incredibly accelerated rate. If a car comes out today, everyone will know all of its flaws and weaknesses tomorrow. There is almost no shortage of information on the internet, especially when it comes to automotive tuning and car modifications. So then why is it that there are still noobs out on the internet asking stupid questions?
For those not cursed to an internet automotive forum, a noob is someone who is new. It derives from the internet term, newbie. A new baby if you will. Anyone can be considered a noob if they are new or inexperienced in a certain field. Even people with years of experience can be called a noob if they are guilty of either asking or doing something so amateurish that it deserves to be red-flagged by the forum community.
Now that you know what a n00b is, here is a list of five most repetitive, annoying, most commonly asked, common-sense- you-should-use-the-search-button, this-is-the-umteenth-time-I’ve-told-you-this questions found on any automotive internet forum.
5. “Going to race a
This one is pretty much self-explanatory of why it is stupid and annoying. You bought a high performance race car, go and race it. Why buy a high performance vehicle if it is not going to be raced every now and then? Everyone is going to lose a race and everyone is going to lose more than once. That is a fact that is unavoidable. So, instead sitting behind a computer screen contemplating whether or not vehicle X can beat vehicle Y, go and find out. Stop guessing, flaming, arguing, and being a noob. Go race your car, it was built for that purpose.
4.”What kind of oil should I use?”
This question is pretty annoying. First of all, the manufacturer recommended oil weight is posted in multiple locations within the owner’s manual as well as within the engine bay. Second, the noobs who ask this question asks the question with the intent of finding some super secret motor oil that no one knows about that will increase horsepower and/or torque by exponential proportions. Remember the Valvoline commercial where the guy walks into an autoparts store and sees all these “super” oils and finds them ridiculous? Yeah, that commercial was meant for noobs who will buy into any form of clever marketing. Any car, performance driven or not, should use the OEM recommended oil and its proper weight. Many aftermarket high performance racing fluids are overkill for a daily driven car, even if this daily driver races here and there. Racing oils are meant to be used for vehicles that go under immense amounts of stress from racing for a given amount of time back to back. Most racers dump out their oil after each race anyways. It may make sense to jump to racing oil if you are going to partake in a High Performance Driving Event or open track day, but not if you are daily driving. Not only is the racing fluid overkill and no necessary, but it is also extremely expensive. Sure, synthetic premium oils such as Mobil 1 are also expensive when compared to conventional oils, but the price of Motul, Royal Purple, and Amsoil are higher up. Again, noobs who ask this question usually are not building a track car or some super monster high horsepower beast; even if they think they will build a “200WHP Street Beast.”
3. “How much horsepower will
This question is superb for being flamed. The noob that asks this question typically knows little to nothing about cars, and there is nothing wrong with that; everyone has to start somewhere. However, noobs ask this question in hopes of hearing that a single intake, or exhaust, or header pipe will yield 50 horsepower to the wheel. They will ignore the 20 or so responses that tell them otherwise, but follow the one flame post that tells them part X is the best part ever and will yield insane numbers. This question is so annoying to so many because it is a place we have all been; meaning someone else has probably already asked and researched this question so it should be easy to lookup. If the noob would only hit the search button and type in a few extra words they would find a plethora of knowledge and information, many times with dyno-results and/or track results to back up the findings. However, that would be too difficult for a noob to do. Instead they would rather clog up the forums with another post. This question gets bonus points for being annoying because on some days a forum can find itself clogged with multiple threads asking this exact same question.
2. “Which intake is best?”
This question is typically followed by a request for comparisons. The noob will list two or more different brands of intake or better yet ask whether cold air intakes or short ram intakes are better. This question is very annoying because the answer is all a matter of opinion and personal choice. Tuners who live in rainy regions or areas that are popular for floods might opt for a short ram intake to decrease the chance of water being sucked into their engine. Tuners who live in areas where there is very little chance of rain may opt for a cold air intake because of the performance factors. The truth of the matter is any intake is better than the stock air box. The stupidity of this question comes from the noob not knowing what they want or what they can afford. Asking about brand comparison is silly. It is all about personal preference and choice. Of course, understandably with cars, it is quite expensive to do the trial-and-error thing and find your preference and choice. Buying parts for a car without a big budget is like taking a shot in the dark; however this is still a choice and one that any noob should be able to make after doing some homework. Price should be the biggest factor for a noob. It is extra comedy when a noob who struggles with money purposely spends more on one brand of intake over another because of what people tell them. Let us be honest. An aluminum pipe is an aluminum pipe is an aluminum pipe. Some fit better, some don’t. Some have been painted and look all pretty, some have not. When buying an intake, majority of the time the extra hundred dollars or two is spent for legalization of having the intake pipe in a street car. AEM intakes all have a CARB sticker which denotes that it does not produce more hazardous exhaust by-products than the stock air box. This is why you pay $400 or more for an AEM as opposed to a Bomz or Megan intake.
1. “What mods should I do first?”
There are too many versions of this question. What mods should I get? What mods will make me faster? Hey, I’m new, what do you think of X, Y, and Z? This question is asked at least 50 times on any given car forum, daily. Every time a noob gets a new car, they will google their car and look for the most appealing forum. If the noob has any class, they will first introduce themselves and tell the internet who they are, what car they used to drive, why they think this car is the best (even though they telling this to a community of people who probably don’t think this car is anything special anymore), and then proceed to ask what they should do to their own car first. This question is very annoying because first, it is their car. Why are they asking other people how they should spend their money? These types of questions will typically get flamed by the forum’s everyday users because this question is utterly ridiculous. The idea that the noob actually cares what other people think he/she should do to their car is hilarious. It is their money, it is their car, and it is their time. They should do whatever makes them happy. Better yet the noob should learn how to drive the car before they even begin modifying their stock vehicle. This is especially true of high-performance vehicles or anything with serious power. Most noobs like to think they can be that 1,000 horsepower Supra they see in the Import Tuner every week. The truth of the matter is they won’t be. At the end of the noob’s run with the car, they may have increased total output by a mere 50 WHP. What the noob really should focus on is learning how control the power that the car originally came with because adding more power does no one any good if they do not know how to control it.
Next time you see these questions and get frustrated by the sheer ignorance of the noob remember this: everyone was a noob at once. No one was born knowing everything there is to know about cars so it is okay to ask questions when you do not know something. But please be smart about it. There is so much information out on the internet, stop clogging it up with the same thing. Spend a little more time doing some research and a little less time being a pest to those in the online community.
For more info: For more automotive commentary by Peter search for Peter Fong or FallenAngelHIM@gmail.com on Facebook.
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