Finding a good babysitter

January 16, 7:47 PMDenver Early Childhood Parenting ExaminerMeredith Jameson

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Recently, after moving to a new neighborhood, my husband and I decided to find a new babysitter. We wanted to try to establish a regular "date night"...or at the very least, get out for a few hours now and then.

Through the referral of a friend, I found a girl who seemed like a good fit. She had apparently babysat for some mutual friends, and my kids seemed to like her. So, feeling encouraged, we hired her and had her come over for a few test runs. When that went well, we left and went out for an afternoon.

Upon our return, our daughter Sabrina told us that Nathan, our then 1-year-old, had fallen down the stairs. Mary (I've changed her name to protect her privacy) had mentioned nothing of the sort when we came home.

After calling Mary to ask about the incident, her story was very different from Sabrina's version of the event. And only one of them didn't know how to lie...and had no reason to. (Hint: It wasn't the grown-up.)

Thus ended Mary as our babysitter. I think perhaps if she had told us about the incident right away when we got home, or better yet, called us when it happened, I might have given her another chance. As unfortunate as it is, accidents do sometimes happen. Yes, she should have been watching Nathan more carefully, and they shouldn't have been playing near the stairs at all. But the fact that she lied to me about the situation showed me that she could not be trusted with our children. And we were all lucky that Nathan wasn't harmed.

Since then, we've found a babysitter I like very much. She's honest, responsible, good with the kids, has a sense of humor, and has honored our requests, such as staying away from the TV, feeding the kids only healthy food, etc. When I question Sabrina upon our return about what happened while we were gone, her report is always pleasant and bright.

Of course, you never truly know what happens when you are away. So here are a few tips I found that helped me find our babysitter...and, most importantly, has helped me to trust her.

1. Basic signs of respect. When you interview your babysitter, is she on time? Does she come prepared to the interview, preferably with a copy of her resume, some references, and (best of all), some questions to ask you? If you corresponded before the interview, did she respond in a timely manner to phone calls or emails? I don't know how many potential babysitters we had who were either late to the interview or didn't respond to me when I tried to communicate with them beforehand. If I can't trust you to send an email, do you honestly think I'll trust you with my children?

2. Interaction with your kids. Yes, the interview is with you. But it's important to see how the babysitter interacts with your children as well. Does s/he show energy and interest? If your toddler immediately drags her over to show her all her toys, does the babysitter act interested and engaged? Or bored and ready to move on? Trust your instincts. If the babysitter seems truly interested in your child/ren and interacts with them well, that's a good sign. If you get the feeling that s/he is just doing it for your benefit and isn't interested at all, move on yourself.

3. Safety first. Is the babysitter certified in first aid and CPR? Some parents don't view this as a deal-breaker, but I happen to. If something happens when I am not there and my child is hurt, can this person respond appropriately? Make sure the certification is recent - it doesn't help if they got certified years and years ago. Chances are, if that's the case, they've forgotten much of what they learned. If they aren't certified but you just happen to think they're great, you might offer to pay for the certification yourself. That way, you get the best of both worlds - a babysitter you love who is up-to-date on safety certifications!

4. Good listening. When you talk about how you like your children to be treated and how the household is run, are they paying attention? Ideally, are they taking notes? If you get the feeling that your explanation of how "time out" works in your home and how bedtime is scheduled has gone in one ear and out the other, you're probably right.

5. Clean report card? Check references thoroughly and try to speak with the referring person on the phone. That way, you can ask questions and ensure that the reference is legit. Sorry to say that I've heard of babysitters typing up false references and presenting them to potential clients. Ditto with emails. Do your homework. Ask questions, both positive and negative. Most of all, would that person hire the babysitter again? Trust me, the research is worth it in the end.

6. Do a dress rehearsal. If possible, you might want to have the babysitter come over a few times and stay with the kids while you are still in the house. Don't get me wrong - hovering the whole time won't help anyone, and it won't be informative for you. But if you can move around other parts of the house and still be able to overhear what's going on, all the better. Is the babysitter's attitude and behavior consistent? Do you like the way s/he is interacting with your kids? If you can do this more than once, the babysitter will become less self-aware of the fact you're still around and can present you with a relatively true version of how s/he'll act when you're gone.

7. The end result. So say you've found someone you like and you've hired them. How are things when you return home? Does your child seem happy? Well rested, if sleep was part of the schedule? Fed? Is the house clean or a total mess? While I don't expect babysitters to be housekeepers as well, I do expect that the general mess of playing and/or eating should be cleaned up.

Above all, ask your children what they think. After all, they're the primary target here! You know your child best, so you should know how they are truly reacting to this new person. And keep it up - even if your babysitter has been with you for awhile, does your child still seem happy to see him/her? What does your child say once they leave? And if your child exhibits any signs of behavioral changes after being with the babysitter, especially negative changes, pay attention. It could mean that there is trouble in paradise - and that needs to be addressed right away.

There are some not-so-great babysitters out there, this is true. But the good news is, there's also some great ones. Do your homework and be patient when interviewing, and hopefully one of the great ones will knock on your door!