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Should you break up over text?
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Photographer: Darren Robertson
The popularity of communicating via text, email, and social networks have made it easier than ever to meet new people and maintain contact. But are these methods also providing a quick and easy way to dump someone?
Many of us like to avoid confrontation. If we meet someone online, go out on a date and decide he or she isn't for us, it's much easier to send a "thanks but no thanks" email or text rather than picking up the phone and having a conversation. And after only one date, sending a message this way can be acceptable, depending on the situation. However, when you start to form a relationship, do you find yourself hiding behind emails and texts to avoid having an uncomfortable or intimate conversation?
Often it is easier to blow someone off via cyberspace if you no longer wish to see them. But this is not usually the best solution, depending on the relationship. Before deciding to hit the "send" button, ask yourself the following questions:
1. Did you have sex? Even if you went out only a couple of times, if you had sex with your date, you owe him the courtesy of a call. Sex is still intimate and deserves some consideration when it comes to calling it quits with your partner.
2. Did you mislead your date? Perhaps you are a romantic, and get a little carried away with wining and dining and the art of seduction. Even if you weren't technically boyfriend and girlfriend, your date might think otherwise. Don't just leave her with a text and no explanation. Have a real conversation.
3. Have you gone out on more than a few dates? Although neither one of you would call yourselves exclusive, you did share a number of dates and lengthy phone conversations. If this is the case, don't end it with an email or text. It is more respectful to call and break it off, even if it feels uncomfortable. Put yourself in the other's shoes: what if you thought things were progressing, only to get dumped via text?
4. Are you a serial text-dumper? You've dumped over cyberspace several times now, and never really heard back from your dates. Could this be the path of least resistance? Probably, and it may continue working for you. However, if you find yourself text-dumping more often than continuing a relationship, it might be beneficial to have a face-to-face with your date and get some feedback. You could be afraid of intimacy, or of asking for what you want and need in a relationship.
My advice is, if you are afraid to have a conversation or take action, this is exactly when you should do it. So, don't be afraid to start talking instead of typing.
For more info: Kelly is a writer and former speed dating host. You can visit her blog "Notes From the Dating Trenches" at www.kellyseal.com, or follow her tweets at www.twitter.com/kellyseal.
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