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To go dutch or not to go dutch?
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Traditional dating rules emphasize that a woman is never to go dutch on a date if she intends to capture the heart of Mr. Right. The concept behind this particular rule (or expectation, if you will) is chivalry.
“I agree that it is chivalrous, but don’t take advantage of it. I think it’s chivalrous of girls to at least offer to pay; I’m going to pay anyway,” said Ying, 28, a financial advisor. “If a girl doesn’t at least offer after several dates, then there probably won’t be another date.”
However, Christina, a Los Angeles native, doesn’t believe in going dutch. “I think that’s a man’s job. Women shouldn’t have to work for anything,” says the 22-year-old. “I don’t offer to pay until I start caring.”
But Stacey, 27, has a different mentality. “I always offer, and I always pay if I don’t like the guy,” she said.
“If you pay you’re part, then it relieves you of any expectations,” said Vilma, 31.
As a traditionalist at heart, I always appreciate it when a man picks up the tab, especially when it comes to first dates. It does indeed make a good first impression when a man is able to demonstrate his capability of taking care of a woman, regardless of her own capabilities to take care of herself.
However, traditionalists need to start practicing a little realism. Singles today are dating during one of the biggest economic downturns since the Great Depression.
So why do some women still expect men to pick up the tab? Have these women no mercy? Or are they just heartless gold-diggers? Do men have to be more careful about the type of women they spend their money on?
My mother and I actually have debates over the issue of going dutch every time I go out on a date. Her first question to me is always, “Did he pay?” And even though 99.9 percent of the time the answer is yes, I never fail to mention that I did offer to pay.
My mother frowns upon the fact that I offer to cover my portion of the tab, and I frown upon her tendency to dump men the moment the wine-and-dine treatment ceases. (In her defense, she's a total Rules girl). We try so hard to change each other’s frame of thinking, but it’s useless. All we can really agree on is the fact that we disagree when it comes to the modern tradition (is that an oxymoron?) of going dutch.
It is my belief that men can still demonstrate their chivalry and treat a woman with respect and dignity without having to shell out a wad of cash. It’s all about the way a man carries himself.
Does he show up on time? Does he offer to drive? Does he hold open doors? Is he a man of his word? Is he a man of heart? Basically, is he a man deserving of respect?
It’s this type of realism that should be an important aspect of dating especially amid a recession. So here are a few simple dating guidelines (forget the rules) I’ve devised that I think more women should follow:
1. Don’t go on a date with an empty wallet. Always carry enough to take care of your own.
2. Set yourself a maximum spending limit. This means not going overboard with your date expenses. Spend wisely and within your personal budget.
3. Never assume that someone else’s personal budget includes you. If it does, then more power to you.
If you can blow past this minor hurdle, you might actually be able to enjoy your date without any awkward expectations of who should pay or what they should pay.
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