Relationships 101: What are the three stages of dating?

October 24, 1:15 AMLA Singles ExaminerNiki Payne

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Both men and women date and fall in love in three basic stages. However, none of us are quite making it past the first stage because, well, the grass is always greener on the other side with a plethora of dating websites to choose from and dozens of ways to meet potential singles.

According to professional dating coach Rachel Greenwald, author of "Why He Didn't Call You Back: 1,000 Guys Reveal What They Really Thought," the dating process consists of three distinct stages.

First, there is the filtering stage. This stage is probably the most superficial of them all. During this stage, initial impressions are everything, which means one bad impression could prematurely rule you out as dating potential no matter how compatible you might actually be. 

If you're anything like me, you actively look for deal-breakers so you can move on to bigger and better fish in the sea. You know what you're hoping to catch is out there, and when you finally catch it, I'll bet you anything you'll hang on to that fishing reel with your dear life. 

The second stage of the dating process is the evaluation stage. For some, this stage is completed rather quickly as part of the filtering stage. For others, this stage is either a really fun process or a really long process. 

During the evaluation stage, you narrow down your pickings to a select few whom you'd like to learn more about. During the initially awkward getting-to-know-you phase, you make mental notes to yourself listing the pros and cons of a person's relationship potential. Is this guy a good-time only deal or is he someone I wouldn't mind waking up to in the morning? What's her position on the Stinson Hot/Crazy Scale? Is she someone I could see myself with down the road?

If the pros outweigh the cons, then you move on to the third and final stage of the dating process. If the cons outweigh the pros, then you get filtered out. If the pros and cons hold equal weighting, then the evaluation stage may last longer than you'd like.

Once you determine how to weigh the pros and cons relative to your preferences or standards, you then reach the third and final stage of the dating process - the acceptance stage. It's at this point that you decide that you want the whole package, flaws and all. The better you know someone, the more likely you are to accept that person as they are. 

But here's the problem with dating in a Web2.0 world. Many people are getting filtered out in the first stage long before they've had a chance to  adequately assess or be assessed for future potential in the second stage of dating. As Greenwald points out in her book, "information is power," and without sufficient information, we can't make adequate evaluations. 

Well, if dating comes in three stages, it's only fair to employ the three-date rule in an effort to get all the information you really need. 

• Date one: Filter. If he/she doesn't make the cut, give him/her the benefit of the doubt and a second chance. 
• Date two: Evaluate. Ponder the pros and cons over a good night's sleep. After all, third time's a charm, right?
• Date three: Acceptance. NOW, it's okay to accept that your filtering out the dud. You really don't need any more information than three dates can provide you. The three-date rule is merely a courtesy for those making an effort to be more open-minded.

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For story ideas and suggestions: Email Niki at nikipayne@gmail.com or post a comment on her fan page.