Parenting through trauma

November 8, 11:40 AMRichmond Parenting ExaminerHelen Mason

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Children can learn to cope with trauma

Few people live their lives without experiencing trauma at some point and emotional trauma is surprisingly common in children. But it isn't until recently that effective treatments have been developed. According to the National Child Traumatic Stress Network, by the age of 16 one in four children has experienced a traumatic event. With the recent tragedy at Fort Hood in Texas and spread of the H1N1 virus which has claimed the lives of 4 children in Virginia, parents are once again having to consider how much exposure their children have had to these devastating reports.

The trauma may be physical or emotional abuse or exposure to a traumatic event such as violence or natural disaster, but the emotional result of trauma is the target of healing therapies. Emotional wounds are also harder to see because they are not on the surface and can be exceptionally well hidden by the child.

When trauma happens, it is hard to know how to support the victims. Often, the people supporting the trauma victim feel the effects of the trauma deeply as well. Fortunately, though, a child's response to trauma can be greatly influenced by how the parents respond. Parents should react honestly about what has happened, but also react productively to demonstrate how people can cope though trauma.

According to the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, factors that affect the intensity of the trauma include:

• The age of the child. How will and able is the child able to verbalize his/her concerns about the trauma?
• The "closeness" of the child to the trauma. Was the child the victim? Was the victim a close relative or a distant acquaintance?
• The extent of damage experience by the child to their own environment. Was there a terrorist attack near their home? Was the child's home or school damaged?

Parents whose children have experienced trauma should watch for signs that the child is not handling the trauma well and should be prepared to act pro-actively in order to get the child the care he/she needs. Victims of trauma often experience Post Traumatic Stress Disorder for which there are effective treatments, but that can cause extreme disturbances in the victims physical and mental health.

Signs of trauma in children include:

• Reliving of the trauma through play
• Refusal to go to the place of the trauma, such as school, and an unwillingness to detach from the parents
• Sleep problems
• Physical ailments, such as stomachaches and headaches
• Changes in mood
• Social withdrawal

The National Center of PTSD offers some good advice for parents of children who are involved in trauma:

• Seek professional guidance and counseling. Treatment for PTSD helps walk victims through the trauma and its effects in a safe environment. Coping skills are taught for handling the intrusive thoughts that occur after the trauma.
• Be calm and provide your child with the extra nurturing that they are craving
• Be consistent with what you say and how you respond to the trauma
• Tell the child what he/she should do when fears and anxiety arise (e.g. come find you to hug and talk, breath deeply, refocus on something in the present like a game or other toy, get out of the house and do something)
• Reassure the child that the danger has passed and that he/she is now safe
• Join forces with other victims and participate in closure activities, such as memorials, if appropriate

Parents should be assertive in getting the care a child needs. Give the victim the time and space he/she needs to recover and keep the "lines of communication" open at all times.

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