Q&A Part 3: Erotic fiction editors talk anti-feminism, sex advice

October 8, 5:30 PMWomen of the Web ExaminerBrit Horvat

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Samantha Sade, left, and Jordan LaRousse are the
ladies behind Boulder-based Web site Oysters
& Chocolate erotica.
Photo by Daniel Hirst/www.westendphotography.com 

Welcome to the third installment of an ongoing sexy series with Jordan LaRousse and Samantha Sade, the local editors of erotic fiction Web site Oysters & Chocolate.

Get acquainted with this adorable duo in Q&A Part 1, where they spill the beans on their Web site name and why they're so adamant about providing quality erotic content. In Q&A Part 2, read up on the come vs. cum conundrum and aphrodisiacs.

(Warning: You must be 18 and older to enter the site. Read the rundown here: Oysters & Chocolate erotica homepage)

This time around, the ladies speak their minds on being called anti-feminists and suggest their favorite sex advice spots on the Web.

In your podcast interview with Dr. Dick (which is awesome, by the way), you mentioned how people have accused you of being anti-feminist and "pornographers." What do you think is the reasoning behind these accusations?

JL: Sexual openness is just a huge leap for some people. We live in a society where, unfortunately, the sex act has been deemed sinful and shameful by the conservative portion of the population. We just received an email from someone basically telling us we are en route to hell, and that we'd realize the sins of our ways as we depart from this world.

Writing about, thinking about, and educating people about sex certainly isn't a sin. -JL

That one really p!ssed me off - first because of the audacity of being judgmental and accusing us of being sinners and hypocrites (a direct reversal of a basic tenant of Christianity - "thou shalt not judge") and second, because of the hellfire message meant to inspire fear - the very stuff that makes people fear and shame their very own bodies. I'm a good person and I live by the golden rule and do unto others as I would have done unto me. Writing about, thinking about, and educating people about sex certainly isn't a sin.

As far as being accused of being anti-feminist,  I think this is due to the residual impact of the original feminist movement which, despite all the wonderful things it did for women, had the unfortunate byproduct of de-sexualizing women. At some point in our history as women seeking equality, there was a belief that we have to step away from our sexuality in order to gain power in a masculine world. As a neo-feminist, I truly believe that realizing the full potential of our feminine sexuality is a really important part of a woman's self-empowerment. Women aren't men, we can occupy many of the same roles that men do, but we aren't men. We are blessed with the gift of the feminine and should embrace it fully. Like I always say, a sexually confident woman is a powerful woman in and out of the bedroom.

SS: There is a grey area between erotic and porn. While we see erotica as stories and imagery that engage all of the senses as well as the mind in order to inspire and arouse a person, some people see porn as anything sexual. Thus, they accuse us of being "pornographers." Like Jordan said, the sexual repression that some people in our culture engage in is really sad and unhealthy, and it gets our feathers ruffled when those people then try to impose their own sick morals onto everyone else, including us. People call us "pornographers" when they are trying to insult us. What they don't realize is, we are not only purveyors of erotica, we are PRO-porn.

One of the biggest things we're trying to do is to tell women that not only is it okay to explore in and indulge in their own sexual needs and desires -- it's part of being a whole person and it's important! We are trying to inspire women to understand who they are sexually, separate from other people's needs and expectations. -SS

The anti-feminist label is so silly. What is more empowering than encouraging a woman to understand her own sexuality and take ownership of her own sex life? It's easy for the normal, middle-class American woman to lose sight of her own pleasure to the needs and desires of her partner, and to the hectic business of every day life. One of the biggest things we're trying to do is to tell women that not only is it okay to explore in and indulge in their own sexual needs and desires -- it's part of being a whole person and it's important! We are trying to inspire women to understand who they are sexually, separate from other people's needs and expectations. When a woman understands this, she can truly have a fulfilling sex life.

The Internet is a fabulous resource for all things sex advice, sex health, sex videos, you name it. What are some of your favorite for women/by women sex Web sites, forums or advice columns?

JL: The sites that come to mind really aren't necessarily for/by women. I really love Dr Dick (drdicksexadvice.com)- I find his sex advice to be unapologetic, poignant and on point, although sometimes he can be a little daft when it comes to women's sexuality (as he is a gay male I suppose this is to be expected) - for example he doesn't "believe" in the g-spot ejaculation.

However, I greatly appreciate his efforts in sex-education and because he has a PhD in sexology as well as being a porn producer, he definitely holds some much needed authority in the field.  Also, Nikol of the Midwest Teen Sex Show is quite a phenomenon. Her goal of making sex-education easily accessible and relatable for teens really earns my approval, especially because I am mother of a very curious and inquisitive 12-year-old daughter. 

Honestly I think there is a need for more online sex advice by/for women. I write a sex advice column on our site called "Ask Jordan" but when I am stumped for an answer to a question I often turn to my mother, our readers, and my girlfriends for input.  I would definitely like to see fewer Cosmopolitan style sex-advice materials (always giving advice on how to please your man) and more Dr. Ruth style sex advice materials out there (how to please yourself, which will inevitably please your partner).