Comforting your mate

November 9, 3:38 PMOrlando Fortysomething Relationships ExaminerVeronica Cronin

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Comfort needed...

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Is a relationship all about sex?  Are you lonely in your role as a mate?  Are there underlying issues with your arguments that are never brought out?  Perhaps you just need a little comfort.  You would be surprised at how the intimacy of holding your lover's hand can get you through the worst day.  On a photo search for this article, it was nearly impossible to find people just cuddling, not a kitten, but a person.  That's sad, and that is what we are missing in our busy lives.

We comfort our children, our parents, and our friends, but we do not often give that same gift to the one we sleep next to every night.  What kind of comfort?  Well, hugging and snuggling for sure, whether on the couch or in bed, holding hands--everywhere, or a gentle kiss upon seeing each other after work.  All of these are just the basics.  What about the best stuff?

Have you ever thought of planning a comfort meal?  It's easy, whether you are a cook or not.  All it takes is a bowl of soup and some fresh bakery bread.  Perhaps you could bake or buy a warm apple pie for dessert.  Now that it is cold, whipping up a chili or a stew is perfect.  This applies to both men and women.  How about one hour of uninterrupted sharing about your day, or anything that is troubling you.  Can't get an hour?  Try 30 minutes.  Miss one of your T.V. shows, get off the computer, and stop texting.  Most of the time, talking it out will help someone tremendously.  Try leaving an encouraging note where they will find it in the day, or sending a sweet text. 

The best comfort is unexpected.  It comes from great love.  You feel it in the way your mate brushes their hand through your hair, or rubs your forehead.  You know it is present when they surprise you with something you forgot you wanted, or something so small that it would not matter to anyone but the two of you, perhaps a newly framed souvenir from a trip you took together.  However, the best and most effective comfort comes from just being held, and being told you are loved, needed, and wanted.  There is nothing better than that, especially if it is sincere.