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Can you judge a book by its cover?
There’s a new matchmaker in town and it’s called Facebook. The social networking tool has replaced the little black book and become not only the place to reconnect with friends from elementary and high school, but also the place to meet their friends and friends of their friends and spark a little online dating without the obvious, desperate-seeming attempts of websites geared towards meeting the oh-so-mysterious “one.”
The draw is simple. You know people in common, which means it’s not a totally random person who may or may not be who they say they are. It’s more comfortable. And in many ways, seems safer than using an online dating site like eHarmony, where the person could be a complete psycho who knows how to play with, or rather prey on, unsuspecting and blindly hopeful singles. And therein is perhaps the only drawback.
Since there are no confirmed stories of a time this has happened – i.e. Facebook romance turns into stalker affair – the advice is simply to be cautiously optimistic when using Facebook as a dating tool. And remember the following: if it seems too good to be true, it is.
Now, for the less cynical hopefuls, most Facebook romances do not end in disaster, if they do in fact, end.
In the 1998 movie, “You’ve Got Mail,” Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks play true to their expected roles as king and queen of uplifting, sweet romantic comedy, as they engage in an online courtship after meeting in a chat room, not knowing they already knew (and despised) one another.
The first thing Ryan’s character, Kathleen Kelly, does when she arrives home from the tiny neighborhood bookshop she owns is check her email. (Keep in mind, this movie came out before iPhones and Blackberries changed the way we communicate. Note: subject for another column.)
“What will NY152 say today, I wonder. I turn on my computer. I wait impatiently as it connects. I go online, and my breath catches in my chest until I hear three little words: You've got mail. I hear nothing. Not even a sound on the streets of New York, just the beating of my own heart. I have mail. From you,” she says.
While we no longer have to wait for the dial-up to connect to the internet, and AOL’s “you’ve got mail” monopoly has been replaced by the clean “ding” of Apple Mail, the emotion of anticipation, wondering and waiting for your online amour to reply, is the same.
Austinite Kimberley is in the middle of a Facebook romance. When she and Tyler reconnected online after 20 years, it was a scene straight out of a Hollywood playbook.
In high school, Tyler was the cool kid. A football player. Wanted.
Kimberley was more shy, creative. An academic. Unnoticed.
Or so she thought. Tyler knew who she was. But it was high school and that’s enough said. He looked her up on Facebook, sent her a friend request, they chatted for a couple of months, and recently decided to meet.
Both were surprised that neither had married or had children yet. Both were equally stunned at how attractive and wonderful the other was. And both felt a deep connection to one another having grown up in the same environment. As Kimberley said, “We know where we came from and there’s just something about that. We ‘get’ it without having to explain it to someone who grew up somewhere else.”
So, when the two reconnected in her small hometown in Oklahoma, sparks flew and the two have been dating ever since.
“He was wearing Drakkar Noir!” she told her girlfriends upon returning from her first visit. “Drakkar Noir! That is so high school. Took me right back to thinking about making out in the backseat of the car.”
One of the evenings they spent together during the weekend visit was a chilly night, so Tyler gave her his old Letterman’s jacket to wear. No joke.
“I still can’t believe I hung out with Tyler Williams and wore his letterman’s jacket!” Kimberley said after the date. “It’s so silly, but I just feel giddy. Like all the times I wanted to do that in high school and never got the chance to. It’s crazy.”
But, it’s not crazy. We hold on to fantasies for years and high school is such a defining time for so many people that old feelings remain ingrained in our minds forever. Ask yourself if there was anyone from high school who you hated. Then imagine running into them now. Even though they may look different, there’s just something about them that makes you want to run away or punch them in the face. Right? So if those feelings happen to have been for a crush, it’s to be expected that the rush of butterflies in your belly is what follows.
As to whether Kimberley and Tyler’s romance will continue to blossom once the scent of Drakkar and warmth of the letterman’s jacket has worn off, stay tuned.
Are there rules for how to go about such affairs? Germans think so. At the beginning of 2009, Potsdam University in Berlin introduced a new course, offered to their 440 Information Technology Master's students: Flirting for Computer Geeks. Seriously. No, really. At McNally Smith College of Music in St. Paul, Minn., you can now get a degree in hip hop. But studying how to flirt... in an actual college class with exams and grades? The Germans may be frequenting the biergarten too much.
While Kimberley and Tyler's Facebook romance was fateful, it was also not completely random. But some are. A couple of weeks ago, Texas native Kelly Hildebrant married Florida native Kelly Hildebrant. Two people. Same name. Connected on Facebook. Now husband and wife. Silly story, but fun nonetheless. Since news broke in July that the two were engaged, they have been featured on dozens of television talk shows and news programs and in several newspapers and magazines. People follow them on Twitter and read their blog. What’s the fascination? Click here to see The Today Show’s Jenna Wolfe interviewing the couple and you decide if it’s worth the hype.
Are they in love? Or just in love with the concept? They liked what they saw and read on each other’s profiles which prompted the initial meeting. But when it comes to Facebook romance, can you really judge a book by its cover?
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