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Do you really want to know the truth?
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We all know the familiar phrase, “The Truth will set you free,” and we all claim to want to know the truth both inside and outside of ourselves. However, new research shows that we really don’t want to know someone else’s truth if it differs from ours. We seek out information which validates our beliefs and not the opposing views. When we do familiarize ourselves with the opposition, it is for the purpose of refutation!
The analysis reported by the American Psychological Association and led by researchers at the University of Illinois and the University of Florida, included data from 91 studies involving nearly 8,000 participants. This study “puts to rest a longstanding debate over whether people actively avoid information which contradicts what they believe, or whether they are simply exposed more often to ideas that conform to their own because they tend to be surrounded by like-minded people.” The answer is that people do not wish to know the other side. Also, cited by the study is the important point that the more confident one is about his beliefs, the more likely to be exposed to opposing viewpoints; however, if one lacks confidence, he is not likely to seek out information about the opposition.
What does this mean to you and bode for your relationship?
When you are growing and focusing on self-growth, it’s all about you: your transformation, your happiness and your fulfillment. This self absorption fuels you to emerge creatively with greater self-empowerment and so, to advocate for yourself. This is all wonderful and a necessary first step. However, when you hold yourself in such high self-esteem that you become a dictator while your significant other becomes a doormat, you are not seeing the whole truth of your relationship. Keep in mind that the “I” you have cultivated consists of two eyes to see the whole picture.You need to see the other side.
Use these questions to achieve an honest balance:
* What are my mate’s vulnerabilities?
* Have I misunderstood?
* Am I stressed and depleted? As a result my perspective is a bit negative.
* Am I expecting the unattainable and for my partner to be perfect while I am not perfect?
* Am I asking the other person to change his or her nature and be my clone?
We waste precious time judging others. When we become aware that we filter out information and that personal memory is selective and flawed, we become more open to the principle that the truth exists on a continuum. In other words, we could be wrong. This premise changes the dynamics of all our conversations and disagreements – for the better.
For more info on stress management and relationships: www.turnonyourinnerlight.com
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