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Sharing autism and those awkward social moments
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Our son has autism. When people we know discover this there are wide ranges of reaction, most frequently, one of pity "Oh, I'm so sorry!" I’ll admit that when we first received his diagnosis some years ago, and searched for support wherever we could find it, this sentence was a frequent conversation opener. Yes, we got some sympathy, but it often times was a dual conversation opener…and closer.
People don’t know what to say when given that piece of information. Most don’t know much about autism in the first place and don’t know how to react. More often than not, it elicits an awkward moment – the recipient fumbling for a response.
So are some tips to help bridge those social gaps for those on both sides of the conversation:
+ Don’t pity, just acknowledge. Rather than saying “I’m sorry,” when informed about someone’s autism, better to respond “thank you for letting me know.” More often than not, those people exposing a loved one’s diagnosis are doing so to let you in.
+ Don’t be afraid to ask questions. Everyone’s experiences with autism have both similarities and differences –most caregivers and parents are more than open about talking about what’s working, not working, challenges, successes…and if you’re not shy about asking, you’ll learn quite a bit as well.
+ Don’t “mug” the unsuspecting. Often times we parents (mis)take an initial interest expressed in our children’s autism as a signal to open the flood gates… “Finally, someone is asking me questions and cares!” we think! Ever have the experience of a conversation where the other party talked about one thing and didn’t listen to anyone else? Just keep that in mind – just because someone expresses interest doesn’t mean they want a full biography and diagnostic report.
+ Consider the information privileged. If you being told of someone’s autism, consider that a privilege – that person is letting you into his or her “circle.” It’s not your position to broadcast that information out everywhere you now go. Regard it as private. Similarly, if you are the one sharing the information, don’t be shy about how you would like (or not like) the information shared with others. It’s everyone’s personal prerogative as to how it gets transmitted.
If you have additional “tips” to add into this list of “dos” and “don’ts” of sharing, please feel free to add yours here too.
Brian Field is the co-founder of the Autism Support Network.
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