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Yo Jo: I'm bored
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Romance
Yo Jo,
I just realized the other day that my 2 year relationship has grown a bit stale and comfortable. That electricity that used to be there, the butterflies, the excitement has diminished. I don’t have the desire to be a bombshell around him as much as I used to, but then again, he doesn’t necessarily notice even if I am a bombshell anymore. Am I supposed to simply let the excitement disappear? Or is there a way to keep it around? I miss the excitement. I also don’t want to feel bored or that my relationship is old.
Bored Bombshell
Dear Bombshell,
Don’t sell yourself short. You are sill a bombshell even if he doesn’t notice as much as he used to. As with many issues, simply acknowledging you have an issue will help you turn a corner. While your relationship has taken a turn down that all too familiar “comfort” road, your perspective of your relationship doesn’t have to.
It can be hard to keep up what you started, but it’s inevitable, the once volcanic-like passion that exploded fire and bubbled out over the landscape your budding relationship created will fizzle and there will be a steaming, new, blank land formation to consider. How you treat your new relationship land formation will determine whether or not the two of you have the stamina to continue your journey.
We all start there; putting our best foot forward, cooing sweet nothings non-stop, looking amazing at every turn, aware of our every word so as to remain interesting and not harsh, smiling non-stop at each other, gazing intently into each other’s eyes so deeply that you swear you see their soul, you get the idea. It’s hard to match the intensity of a new relationship and it’s even more difficult to remain there.
The next thing you know, you remain in your pajamas all day, you put on 10 pounds, go to the bathroom with the door open, and fall asleep with little more than a goodnight peck.
There are plenty of studies out there showing the connection to the hormone levels to that of drug addicts, and that those levels of hormones need to diminish in order to remain sane. It’s up to you as to whether or not your connection remains even if the hormones do not. It’s also a way of viewing your world. While romance in the beginning might have been a cliché candle lit dinner with the best tasting martinis every night, your new idea of romance needs to be changed. Consider his ability to remember you during the day. Does he send you a funny email or text? Does he bring home a nice bottle of wine for dinner? Does he still pat you on the butt as you walk up the stairs? And likewise, do you kiss him randomly for no reason? Do you call him because you heard a joke he might like? Do you compliment him on his many talents?
It’s a two-way street. You can’t expect to get anything if you give nothing. Put yourself out there and see if he reciprocates. All physical chemistry aside, communicating your needs and even more importantly, showing him you are still interested will speak volumes. You will be able to determine if his chemistry has waned to a point that is unacceptable to you or if he picks up on the cues and understands fair is fair.
We all know how I feel about wasting time. Don’t try fixing something that’s broken beyond recognition, but if you think there’s a chance to turn around a stale moment in the relationship clock, try it and see what happens. You might just be pleasantly surprised at the new landscape you create together.
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