Phantom: The Sequel! (for REAL!)

2 comments

May 12, 9:22 AM

by Mare Trevathan, Denver Theater Examiner

 

 

Denver Actor Jessica Austgen, has a deceptively cherubine face.  In point of fact, she's fiercely witty.  Thankfully she reserves her sting for worthy subjects such as errant world leaders and Andrew Lloyd Webber.  Here, a slightly cleaned up version of Jessica's recent

Apparently Andrew Lloyd Webber needs a new pool or something because he is writing... wait for it... a sequel to "Phantom of the Opera".

What?

No no no no no no no no no no no no no.

No.

That is just WRONG.

I liked the way Phantom ends: Raoul and Christine run off to be pretty and bland together for ever and ever, the Phantom disappears all mysterious-like and Meg is left alone onstage with that weird cymbals-playing monkey.

Or at least that’s what I think happens... I tend to get really bored by the end of Phantom and start to pretend I'm watching a better musical. So I might be getting it mixed up with my own versions that end with the entire company of the Opera Populaire getting shot on a barricade, or all the water in Paris drying up and Phantom charging people to pee in his weird underground cavern, or Christine spelling "Weltanschauung" correctly and winning the Spelling Bee. You know.

But, no. Sir Andrew Lloyd Webber decided that the world needs to know about the further wacky adventures of the Phantom and Company. So we're getting this...

(from playbill.com)
"In the Phantom sequel, the title character travels to Coney Island around 1900 and is reunited with soprano Christine. The show is not based on source material. One of the reported titles of the new project was Phantom in Manhattan. Frederick Forsyth, who wrote a novel called "The Phantom of Manhattan," was reportedly working with Lloyd Webber on the sequel in its early stages, but that is no longer the case. The Daily Mail previously described the sequel plot this way: "The Phantom has slipped away to New York and has set up a fairground world on Coney Island, along with Madame Giry and her daughter, Meg. He organizes a concert in Manhattan for Christine, the object of his desire. Christine travels to the U.S. with her husband Raoul and their teenage son, who happens to be a musical genius...just like the Phantom."

Oh. My. God. That just sounds terrible. Horrible. Awful. What if this is a trend? What if all producers and writers decide to stop creating new shows and simply cash in on their old hits and pen sequels to everything?

Cats 2: Declawed!
The kitties get all get picked by animal control and have a sing/dance-off to decide who get adopted and who gets put down! Things do not look good for Mungojerrie and Rumpleteaser...

Oh, wait... I like this one better...

Cats 2: Dogs!

Oklahoma: New Territory
Will Parker and Ado Annie explore the most up-to-date trend in Kansas City, divorce, after "their" baby comes out black! Laurie and Curly go on the run when they discover to Poor Jud ain't so daid after all... and is out for revenge!

Rent 2: Mortgage
The rest of the HIV positive characters bite the dust, leaving Mark alone to deal with the technological advances of the new century- YouTube, reality tv, text messaging!- in this wacky, rockin' satire.

Les Miz 2- Even more Miz-erable!
Um. This one never makes it off the drawing board because EVERYONE IS STILL DEAD. Rats.

Gypsy 2:
Louise gets naked over and over and over and over and over. For theatre-goers 21 and over only, 2 drink minimum.

Got a proposed sequel of your own?  Comment me!

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