We need you, Wyatt Earp

July 14, 2:23 PMLiberal ExaminerMarlene Phillips

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Wyatt Earp in 1886

The subject today? The Arizona State Legislature. How many ways can I say incompetent? Let's find out.

But first, allow me a moment to remind you (and myself; some days I need reminding) just how great Arizona is. Did you know we're the only state with all seven ecosystems within our state boundary? The world comes to the Grand Canyon, did you know the world's best astronomers also come to Arizona to view the skies at Mt. Lemmon and Kitt Peak? Ancient petroglyphs grace our red rocks and the modern architecture of Frank Lloyd Wright enlivens our cityscape. And did I mention our fabulous margaritas? Such a wonderful place.

And then there's the Arizona Legislature, one of the most outlandish, dysfunctional, incompetent bodies of government in the United States. Oh, wait, did I say governing? My bad: a governing body governs. Our legislature fumbles. Just a few examples: Arizona's public education system is one of the worst in the U.S., in per student funding we rank either dead last or 49th, so what does the Legislature do? Cut funding to schools, of course, drastically, resulting in a profusions of pink slips, panic at the universities, and picketing at the state house in Phoenix. We struggle with the most complex immigration problem in the country, and our legislature responds by cutting social services to the bone. Did they cut their own State House and Senate budgets? Good question. Not a penny. Our budget is a messy $2 billion in the hole but the Republican majority completely excluded Democrats from all budget negotiations, and then presented such a terrible budget to Republican Governor Jan Brewer that she vetoed most of it.  

But there's one thing the Arizona State Legislature is really, really good at. Every now and then the Arizona State Legislature does something so incomprehensibly strange that they're really, really good at making folks in other states feel a whole lot better about their OWN state legislatures. Every few years the Arizona State Legislature makes the kind of  national news headline that has people at water coolers around the country shaking their heads and saying, "Did you hear what they just passed in Arizona? Are those people crazy?"

Well, congratulations, AZ Legislature. You did it again. In the middle of a budget crisis, with our education system in the toilet and our social services safety net hacked to pieces, our Arizona State Legislature has taken time out of its busy schedule to take on one of the most pressing, important, crucial issues of our day. Any guesses? Our diminishing supply of potable water? Immigration? Global warming? 

Our Arizona legislature passed a bill that makes it OK for anyone with a concealed weapons permit to take a handgun into a bar. And our governor just signed it. And oh, by the way, there's another bill in the works to allow us to carry concealed weapons without a state permit.

Wyatt Earp is turning over in his grave.

See, the Arizona State Legislature wants to turn the clock back (and I don't mean Daylight Savings; we don't do that either). We're talking way, way back. When Wyatt and his brothers moved to lawless Tombstone in 1881, one of their first acts was to relieve folks of their guns before they walked into a bar. But our legislature feels it's vitally important to return us to the real Wild West, before softies like Wyatt Earp started telling people what to do. Our legislature has taken the pulse of the citizens of this great state, and found that the one thing uppermost on our minds, the one thing we really, really need, right now, is to be able to carry guns into bars and restaurants. Our legislature doesn't have time for elitist stuff like making sure our kids get a decent education, or our land is protected, or we don't run out of water. But by golly they did have the time to make sure you and I can pack a pistol in a bar.

Arizona State Legislature, I salute you. In the category of incompetent, amateurish, ineffectual, inept, unqualified, unskilled, unprofessional, inadequate, inexpert, bush league behavior by a state legislature, you are in a class all your own. Unfortunately for the rest of us, that class meets in Clown School.

Sorry. That was an insult to Bozo.