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Prince's Symbol
What’s in a name? Band names are often a reflection of the culmination of the ideas of the creative men and women who make up the bands. It is also, all too often, the source and object of much ridicule.
The following is an informal list of the good, the bad, and the absurdly good and bad.
The criteria are as follows:
1. Does the name reflect the sound and/or image of the band, or is it nonsense.
2. The rankings are not based on quality of music. However being a good band certainly doesn’t hurt your chances and being a bad band doesn’t help but I’ve tried not to use that as criteria and even very good bands are not immune (see Smashing Pumpkins, Oingo Boingo, Pearl Jam, Delmag, etc.).
3. If it makes me chuckle or think, it's a good name, if it makes me cringe because they are trying to hard, it's a bad name.
Of course any of these are debatable, feel free to comment whether you disagree or agree.
Best band names:
1. “Sonic Youth”
2. “Violent Femmes”
3. “Judas Priest”
4. “Faith No More”
5. “…and you will know us by the trail of dead” (this name, taken from an ancient Mayan legend, could have made my worst list but it is so over the top it is kind of cool)
6. “Massive Attack”
7. “Rage Against The Machine”
8. “The Cure”
9. “Tranquility Bass”
10. “Mellow Drunk”
Worst:
1. Worst ever...“Goo Goo Dolls”
2. “Thirty Odd Foot of Grunts” (Russell Crowe's band).
3. “Limp Bizkit”
4. “!!!” (No really that's their name...look it up).
5. “Hootie and the Blowfish”
6. “Toad the Wet Sprocket”
7. The ridiculous semi-religious and androgynous looking symbol for "The Artist Formerly Known as Prince" (see pic).
8. “Chumbawamba,”
9. “Oingo Boingo”
10. "Meat Loaf"
Runner up good names (in no particular order):
“Jefferson Airplane,” “Alice in Chains,” “Nine Inch Nails,” “Velvet Underground,” “The New Nervous,” “The Future Unlived,” “Marilyn Manson,” “Planting Seeds,” “Queens of the Stone Age,” “The Queers,” “Queen,” “Rancid,” “Save Ferris,” "Iron Maiden," “Sir Mix-a-Lot,” “Space Hog,” “Streetlight Manifesto,” “Sublime,” “Talking Heads,” “Tokyo Police Club,” “War,” “Weezer,” “Agent Orange,” “Deftones,” “Dropkick Murphys,” “Echo and the Bunnymen,” "The Folk Implosion," “The New York Dolls,” “Local H,” “Mad Season,” “Madness,” “The Misfits,” “Outkast,” “White Zombie,” “Operation Ivy,” “A Perfect Circle,” “The Flaming Lips,” “The Crash Test Dummies”, "Lucy's Fur Coat," “My Chemical Romance,” The Screaming Trees,” “Mother Love Bone,” “Alien Ant Farm,” “The Rolling Stones,” “The Dead Kennedys,” “The Doors,” “Blind Faith,” “The Psychedelic Furs,” “The Smiths,” “Spinal Tap,” “The Black Keys,” “King Crimson,” “Led Zeppelin,” “Prodigy,” “Daft Punk,” “Teenage Fanclub,” “Siouxsie and the Banshees,” “Incubus,” “The Skatalites,” “Morphine,” “Midnight Oil,” "The Clash," “You and Whose Army?,” “Corrosion of Conformity,” ” The 100th Monkey.”
Runner up bad names:
“Jefferson Starship,” "Kid Rock," “Wham,” “The Spice Girls,” “Seven Mary Three,” “Live,” “Matchbox Twenty,” “Blink-182,” “Clap Your Hands Say Yeah,” “Yeah Yeah Yeahs,” “NSYNC,” “Men At Work,” “The Who,” “Yes” (Nooo!), “The Band,” “Smashing Pumpkins” (sorry I love them too but why the silly name for a seriously good band), “Korn,” “Nickelback,” “They Might be Giants” (This might be a good name if they were a good band, but in reality they might stink), “Can,” “The Alan Parsons Project,” “Hoobastank,” "Dogstar" (Keanu Reeves band. Was it worse than his acting? Let's hope not), “Def Leppard,” “Flock of Seagulls,” “Pearl Jam,” “Bowling For Soup,” “Fountains of Wayne,” “Lynyrd Skynyrd,” "ABBA," "Ace of Base," “Sixpence None the Richer,” “Of Montreal,” “Jimmy Eat World” (Jimmy music not good), "Death Cab For Cutie" (Sounds like they are a metal band but they are far from it), “Clap! Clap!,” "Foo Fighters," “The Mars Volta,” “Barenaked Ladies,” "W.A.S.P.,” “Puddle of Mudd,” "L.L. Cool J." (The ladies might love cool James but I don't), "Taking Back Sunday,” “Bush,” “Panic! At the Disco,” “Big Bad Voodoo Daddy,” “Scary Kids Scaring Kids,” “The Music" (Thanks for being creative?), “Brand New,” “Duran Duran,” “Coldplay,” “Europe,” “Finger Eleven,” “Gomez,” “311,” “Dashboard Confessional,” “Toto,” “BuckCherry,” “Color Me Badd” (Color me disinterestedd), “Insane Clown Posse,” “Less than Jake” (I need much more that just Jake, thank you very much).
Hilariously Good:
"The Dead Kenny G's," "Bi Furious," "When People Were Shorter and Lived Near the Water," "Mary Tyler Morgue," "Ass Burger Syndrome," "Kathleen Turner Overdrive," "Gnarls Barkley," "Panty Christ," "Prism Bitch," "Vowel Movement," "Space Age Hitler and the Nazi Synthesizers," "Jif and the Choosy Mothers," "I Dream of Weenie," "Big Sissy Poet," "Are These My Pants?," "The Band That Killed My Mother," "Biblical Proof of UFOs," "The Dancing French Liberals of 1848," "4 Out of 5 Doctors," "Free Beer," "If Pigs Could Talk Would You Still Eat Them," "Orange Juice After Toothpaste," "Willie Nelson Mandela," "Tranny Get Your Gun," "Average White Band," "An Emotional Fish," "Bad Tequila Experience," "The Cunning Runts," "Drew Barrymore's Dealer," "Drive By Crucifixion," "Guess My Perversion," "I Got Shot By Dick Cheney," "Kill Mother F**king Depeche Mode," "Jehovah’s Witness Protection Program," "Jesus Christ Super Fly," "John Cougar Concentration Camp," "The Butthole Surfers," "Stop Calling Me Frank," "Cap'n Crunch and the Cereal Killers," "James, What Are We Gonna Call Our Band?," "The Meat Puppets," "Martha Stewart's Lesbian Fury," "Sh**ty Sh**ty Band Band," "Satan's Almighty Penis," "Nuke the Gay, Unborn Baby Whales for Jesus," "Star Wh*res," "Harmonica Lewinsky," "The Brian Jonestown Massacre," "The Tony Danza Tapdance Extravaganza," "Man...or Astro-Man?," "Mary Tyler Morphine," "Lyin' Bitch and the Restraining Orders."
Hilariously bad and/or just plain stupid and/or gross names:
"Colon on the Cob," "Four Horsemen of Arockalypse," "The Fat Chick From Wilson Phillips," "Meat is Dead is Good," "Tyrannosaurus Valtrex," "Clown Vomit," "Slut Barf," "Butt Stomach," "Dogllik," "Hope in Death," "Mustard Plug," "Magenta Placenta," "Angel Of Cleveland," "May This Day Perish," "Clap! Clap!," "I Would Set Myself On Fire For You" (flowers will be fine, but thank you), "Dear And The Headlights," "Mr. Mister" (what are you guys 7?), "Alcoholocaust," "The Go Kill Yourselves," "The The" (come on really?), "The Asbestos Tampons," "A Cat Born In An Oven Isn't A Cake" (are you sure?), "Sleeping With The Enema," "I Set My Friends on Fire" (I wonder if they know the other guys), "Farting the Alphabet" (see Mr. Mister comment), “The Mr. T Experience,” "Archers of Loaf," "The String Cheese Incident," "Test Icicles," "Tastes Like Chicken," "The Vast Void of Empty Nothingness," "Gay Witch Abortion," "Pabst Smear," “Enuff Z'nuff" (No kidding).
Best of local(ish) Anchorage band names:
1. "Sleep Machine"
2. "Out of the Silent Planet"
3. "Luminous Flesh Giants"
4. "The Phrenia"
5. "Snack Pharm"
6. "Spitshine"
7. "Koto's Sighting"
8. "Kill Tango"
9. “Stunt Cock”
10. "The Hoons."
Worst of local(ish) band names:
1. "The Smile Ease"
2. "1enemy3"
3. "36 Crazyfists"
4. "The Rebuttals"
5. "Bottles in Da Club"
6. "Five Buck Fiddle"
7. "Jewel"
8. "Jukebox Controversial"
9. “Portugal the Man”
10. “Delmag.”
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