How to meet people; how to make friends

July 14, 10:25 PMFemale Friendship ExaminerDebbie Puente

Previous Next

5 comments Print Email RSS Subscribe

Subscribe

Get alerts when there is a new article from the Female Friendship Examiner. Read Examiner.com's terms of use.

Email Address   Include other special offers from Examiner.com Terms of Use

Why do we need friendships? How do we go about meeting people and making friends? We need friendships because they're buffers against loneliness, depression, and illness. Being with friends (loving, fun relatives not excluded) is calming. The hormone oxytocin, which affects our mood, is elevated when we are enjoying ourselves. This is a fact. Just yesterday, a few of us escaped the heat wave and took the time for a few glorious hours at the beach. We watched my two pre-school age nieces frolic, we shared, laughed, relaxed, and strengthened our bonds. But most of all, we reduced our stress just by being together, outside, and away from the pressures of life. Yes, it was only an afternoon, but it created that needed balance to make all the other crap (bills, deadlines, chores) manageable.

Compassionate, loving, and fun relationships offer women protection against major depression. A well-built, supportive network of friends makes us feel safer. It's a proven fact that friendship is good medicine, and science is catching on to this. Study after study proves that female bonds can protect against life's adversities. When women build strong, sustaining networks, they reduce stress and unhappiness.  When our stress levels are lower, we are better wives and mothers. We heal faster from wounds, our immune systems become stronger, and this even protects us from dementia.

Social contacts are incredibly important to us. Where would we be without empathy from others? Venting to our trusted friends reduces our levels of stress hormones, so having friends is truly good for our health.

Potential friends are everywhere. They're in your own family! But what if you truly are without enough friends? What if you've just relocated to a new area? Well, there's still a ton of future friends out there just waiting to meet you. It might take a bit of effort, but it's important to note that many of the people you encounter each day are also searching for friends. Some simply need a little push. Shy people are very often misjudged as unfriendly, uninterested, or aloof. I adore my shy friends! They calm me down, turn me on to wonderful books, and appreciate my bossiness.

Your first step in meeting people for possible friendships would be to become involved in activities.

    *      Become involved in clubs, groups, and classes that meet regularly so friendships have time to grow. Join an investment club, cooking club, book club, gardening group, ski club, theater, or gym. (I've met many of my closest friends at the gym and through hiking. We all share an enthusiasm for staying active. It's great to participate together in an activity that decreases stress and is conducive to talking and laughing.)

    *      Attend a support group. Support groups are a great way to meet people with similar life issues.

    *      Take dance lessons. This might be African dance, modern dance, tap dance, or even hip hop.

    *      Support a candidate. You're bound to meet others of like interests and friendships will naturally grow from there. It's worth a try.

    *      Sign up for cooking classes or a writing seminar. (Classes in general are excellent for meeting like-minded people.)

    *      Become more involved in your favorite charity or fund-raiser. Volunteer at a local non-profit agency. Strong connections often form when people work together on projects of mutual concern. By becoming involved in a charity, you not only feel a sense of satisfaction, but you make the world a better place.

    *      Most communities have food banks and many are understaffed. That may be a good place to start.

Even though you may know early on that a friendship will blossom, don't expect instant results. Friendship takes time. Let it grow slowly. Allow the relationship to develop before you divulge too much. Sharing too much information could be a red flag to your new friend and may drive her away. Let your friendship grow in subtle ways. A true connection can take time to reveal itself and, when it does, it's often in the most unexpected ways.

Don't miss out on the benefits of female friendships. Your husband/boyfriend is a wonderful guy, I'm sure, but it's not the same. Read He's not your girlfriend by the Relationship Improvement Examiner.