Were those pioneer women really so plucky?

January 3, 10:28 PMFemale Friendship ExaminerDebbie Puente

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Sad woman with ill child

We often hear about the courage and pluckiness of pioneer women. But, the truth is they were, for the most part, isolated. The crushing loneliness these women felt eventually led many of them into mental asylums. While their husbands shared chores with neighboring men or laborers, the women were busy cooking, cleaning, childrearing, milking, gardening, canning, churning, and stockpiling for the next winter. Everything, then, took longer. There simply wasn't time for women to get involved outside the home. There were even fewer opportunities for women to meet each other. Add to this homesickness, the burden of caring for a sick child or the many other crises and dangers of the times and you can see how it would be easy for a pioneer woman to fall into feelings of hopelessness and despair.

Case in point: my friend Adrienne and her family were chosen for the reality program, Frontier House, on PBS. Adrienne is a gourmet cook (on her way to becoming a professional chef) who also loves gardening, animals, spending time with her family, and having girlfriends. She's not afraid of hard work and, in fact, grew up on a farm in Ireland. But after living the frontier life on this TV program for five months, this happy, healthy mom sunk into a deep depression. Adrienne just couldn't stand up to the stress of everyday life on the frontier—the insane amount of work that needed to be done each and every day and, worst of all, the amazing amount of stressful behind-the-scenes drama as well. If watching your kids go hungry and a failing marriage isn't enough to send you over the edge, the isolation surely would. Even after Adrienne returned to her lovely life in Malibu, the effects of the hardships were still with her. She suffered from post-traumatic stress disorder, and it took her years to feel normal again. Interestingly enough, there were two other women on the show who lived on nearby homesteads. In one case, the neighboring woman was not encouraging or cooperative and a friendship couldn't possibly grow. However, Adrienne forged an incredibly strong bond with a woman from another homestead. She and Kristin still stay in touch and visit each other as often as possible. Adrienne believes, as I do, that if she had several supportive friends like Kristin, and had the chance to spend more time with them, she would not have cracked under the pressure. These friends, no doubt, would have aligned with her to make those harsh conditions more bearable. If you believe that comparing modern days with the frontier days of 1860 is an extreme example, I beg to differ. I see the pioneer scenario occurring right here in modern times with stay-at-home mothers of small children. Their stress is tremendous.

Note to you moms—join a gym that offers daycare. Set up play dates with other stay-at- home moms. Reach out and relate. It will save your life!