An open letter to the users and takers of this world

October 14, 12:01 PMFemale Friendship ExaminerDebbie Puente

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With awareness, a taker can change, and can balance out the friendship

The truth hurts, but it makes us better. We often disregard it when it comes from our siblings since it comes off as nothing but bossy. But what if the truth comes from that friend who does all those nice things for you? In that case, open your ears and allow what she has to say into your head and your heart.

If you’ve been told by a friend that she feels she’s being used by you, or she tells you that she's hurting over something you did or didn't do, dig deep into her claim. She would never have told you if it wasn't bothering her. And it wouldn't be bothering her unless there was some validity to it.

As a taker, you’ve attracted givers into your life. Givers who always help you, support you, take an interest in your activites, and even stroke your ego. Yes, your relationships can work, but most of the time, your giving friends will resent you for never giving anything back. The friendship will unravel when your friend realizes how much you took advantage of her.

Many of your giving friends did much of their giving because they felt sorry for your kids. They were aware that it was the kids who were suffering, so they stepped in.

If the following traits don’t come naturally to you, go ahead and do them anyway. See how it feels to give. If you find yourself resenting any of the nice qualities listed below, it’s really in your best interest to seek some therapy to find out why.

• Give without an expectation of having a parade thrown for you

• Rise above the silly game of getting more than you give

• Try random acts of thoughtfulness and kindness every day, and see how great it feels to make someone smile

• Look at your friends that give as gifts. Appreciate what they share with you.

• Show a little interest in the things that are important to your friends. Ask them to tell you about it.   

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