An open letter to the girlfriends of Jenny Sanford, wife of South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford

June 25, 10:23 AMFemale Friendship ExaminerDebbie Puente

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Most of us saw Mark Sanford apologize to Jenny and their four sons at his tearful press conference. Jenny, in her own statement, said she kicked him out and asked him not to speak to her while she tried to deal with his infidelity. This column isn't about Mark Sanford or if he'll resign or not. It's about a wife who needs the support of her friends. This is an open letter to the good friends of Jenny Sanford.

Dear Friends of Jenny Sanford,

Your friend is going through a major crisis. This can't be easy on her. We all need friends to whom we can unburden ourselves and express our deep hurt. We can’t always unload on our family members, especially when it involves a member of their family as well. You can make a difference with your actions.

Being rich and prominent does not protect against deep pain and anguish. Famous or not, we need our friends to support us even in those prickly situations. What can you, as Jenny's good friends, do?

Make sure Jenny understands you’ll be there for her without imposing or judging. Rather than just showing up at her front door, leave her a voice mail or send her a text, and try to be perceptive regarding her response. Does she want to see you? Does she want to talk? Is she too overwhelmed? You can write a note on real paper and mail it. If you can afford it, send flowers. It’s a beautiful gesture that she will not forget. Showing up invited with her favorite food can be so supportive. Even though Jenny can afford to eat at the most expensive restaurants, there's something about a friend who extends herself, which money just can't buy. If she doesn’t feel like talking, (again be perceptive) just give her a big warm hug, tell her you’re there for her when she’s ready, drop off the food, and leave.

If she is receptive, offer to do something completely "normal." She may need some major normal right now. Do you have a walking, biking, or hiking group? If so, get the group together, and go. Keep your opinions to yourself and let Jenny do the talking. Unless specifically asked, "what would you do if you were me?" there is no exception to this rule. Even if asked, be very careful because you are not in her exact circumstance.

The worst thing you can do is nothing. At the very least, send her a text that says, "I'm thinking of you and I love you." Continue to reach out in the least intrusive way possible. When she finally does come out of her fog, your kindness will not be forgotten.

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