
A few days ago, I found myself leaving a friend's house a little after midnight, looking forward to a brisk 10-minute walk home through the Canton neighborhood of Baltimore. The air and ground were damp, and all seemed quiet as I stepped out along Boston Street, staring at my footsteps. Slowly I noticed that nothing appeared to be moving... no cars on the road, no activity in the bars across the street... and my curiosity (as well as my active imagination) was piqued. Finally, signs of life - a shabbily dressed homeless man slunk around the back entrance of a restaurant, apparently looking for leftovers. Slightly relieved, I crossed the street and sauntered past the Safeway toward my home. Still, not a single headlight broke the monotony of the road and I began to worry. Having seen "Shaun of the Dead", I imagined myself in a similar situation as the titular character near the beginning of the movie, when he walked out to get a Coke, ignoring the signs of undead chaos around him. I thought perhaps that shambling humanoid I assumed to be a vagrant may have in reality been a zombie, hunting for brains. I looked around more as I passed a local bar. There appeared to be lights on inside, and I could perceive a couple shadows within, but there was nothing that obviously stated, "Come on in! We're all alive in here!" I took my hands out of my pockets and picked up the pace...
It wasn't until I reached the Square that my fears were averted. People, not zombies, wandered the sidewalks and perched at bar stools. All was right in the world, even though JD's was kinda dead. What the hell, it was only Wednesday.
Obviously, the point here is that Halloween has arrived. Thoughts like these enter our heads as frightening movies fill the theaters. Images of ghouls and goblins decorate the houses and "Ghost Hunters" marathons abound. And young women everywhere counteract the spookiness by dressing in the sexiest, most revealing costumes money can buy (God bless 'em!). It truly is a wondrous time of year...
But if you still haven't decided what to do, here are a few Halloween activities in the Baltimore area:
Now don't forget to dress up, and definitely don't shirk your trick-or-treat duties! Stock up on the most fattening, razor-blade-free candies you can find and be prepared to share with the kiddies in your 'hood. Then head out for a little treat of your own. Maybe a Southern Tier Pumking to get into the flavor of the season? I know I'll be out with my crew from the Merry Old Land of Oz (look for us in Fells Point!) celebrating with a handful of seasonal beers. Gotta love the fall and winter brews! That or the lovely warming liquid known as bourbon... great for a chilly night out in knee-high stockings!
Either way, if you've had one too many, don't create a horror scene of your own and try to drive. Halloween night is notorious for being a dangerous time to be on the road, so do the safe thing and catch a cab. Tipsy Taxi will be operating Saturday night in Baltimore City, so don't be shy. Give them a call at 1-877-963-TAXI. They will be in operation from 10pm until 4am, so no excuses!
So have yourself a dreadfully good time and try not to end up a zombie yourself at the end of the night. I will not hesitate to bash you on the head with my basket, I promise!
I think I've said too much...
Mark Burlet
Drunken Intellectual