Baltimore Drink Examiner

How To Be A Patriot

Gotta love those fireworks over the harbor... 

Should've gone to Freeeeeeee Credit Report dot com...

Anyway, enough of that. We all know where that leads, and it ain't pretty. But seriously, we've all had to face those tough times... the times where your mettle is tested again and again... the vicious, vexing episodes when nothing appears easy and the Sword of Damocles is poised to drop upon any misstep. It is at that juncture I find myself now... waiting for the right sign to come along and convince me of the correct path, hoping that a magical, prophetic voice will BOOM from the skies, as they so often do in myth, and direct me toward the glittering end of the rainbow that awaits to fulfill, yea even to surpass, my wildest desires.

Of course, I'm talking about trying to decide what to do for the 4th of July.

So I know I'm not the only one who gets my hopes up for a good time during the holidays, and I definitely don't have any overwrought expectations which inevitably lead to disappointment (Abir) when I do not, for whatever reason, find myself swept off the street by a limo full of cheerleaders/medical students who think the sexiest thing about a man is his lack of height. That's just not me. But when presented with a wealth of options, as one may occasionally be during such times, I find myself waffling, unsure of which to pursue, for fear that I may miss that one party that everyone talks about for the next 10 years. So if you're in the same boat, or just don't know what's out there in the Baltimore area, here is a little info that might help you decide. Check these places out and let me know what you think...

Fourth of July at the Inner Harbor - Harborplace, 3-10pm
Of course, this is the most obvious of things in the world. Just head down to the inner harbor and check out the live music starting at 3, then stick around for the fireworks which start at 9:30. You can also see the fireworks from one of several other waterfront neighborhoods... Federal Hill, Fells Point or Canton, just to name a few. Always a crowd pleaser... and I do mean crowd. Get there a bit earlier to secure a spot near the water.

Towson Fourth of July Parade - Towsontown Blvd, 10:30am
Having participated in this parade a few years ago (don't ask), I know first-hand how enjoyable it can be. Especially if you've got a few little ones to keep entertained and don't want to stay out til 10pm to get your patriotic kicks in. Bring a cooler... as it looks to be quite warm these days... and an umbrella, in case those thunderstorms catch you outside.

BSO's Star Spangled Spectacular - Oregon Ridge Park, 8pm
Now this is truly a great cultural find in Hunt Valley... the Baltimore Symphony Orchestra performing your favorite patriotic classics outdoors while you recline on the grass with a glass of wine in your hands. Now this is what the American dream is all about... at least it's what I imagine old Ben Franklin was thinking when he invented America.

Gilded Lily Burlesque presents Starlets and Stripes - The Ottobar, 10pm
Naturally, I have to throw in something a little more... eclectic... for the night owl out there. Or just for those looking for something a little different, which The Ottobar often delivers. This show says, "Sure I love America... I just hate following the corporate-driven masses who flock to fireworks displays like lemmings." Not that there's anything wrong with either one... pick your poison and we'll all just get along.

So I don't know... I think I'm more confused than ever. Ah, screw it... maybe I'll just head over to a friend's house and cook up some burgers on the grill in his backyard. I could scoop up some fine American microbrews, and maybe a bottle of fine Kentucky bourbon, on the way and chill out in front of his cable TV all day. What could be more USofA than that?

Dare I say... nothing?

Mark Burlet
Drunken Intellectual

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Green Beer in July?