Lies in love, marriage, and the Sanford scandal

June 29, 8:05 PMLove and Marriage ExaminerRita Watson

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AP Photo /Alice Keeney

A little bit of distrust goes a long way. In the wake of the Sanford scandal  I am trying to get a better handle of why we lie and how we can tell if someone is telling us the truth.  My interest piqued during the political scandal of the Italian Prime Minister. However, it began several years ago when a male friend of mine began telling me stories about a new woman in his life. 

I was a good listener until he asked the question, "So what do you think?" 

Did he really want to know that she lying and manipulating him?  He seems to have a knack for finding women to marry and divorce.  Had I realized this about him earlier, I would have taken a ticket to stand in line at the altar and then divorce court.

The truth is this -- he did not want to hear the truth.  He wanted me to say,  “It’s all right that she is telling you little white lies.”  Instead I said, “No, no, no. Lies are not good.” Then he said -- as do most men who ask my opinion --  that I am tough on their women.  Not true.  I am tough on women and men who tell outright lies.

And I am particularly outraged when a man lies to a woman with the integrity of Jenny Sanford.  She had the courage to give her husband some latitude towards the goal of keeping their marriage intact. Love triangle: as Gov. and Jenny Sanford talk of reconcilliation, Maria Belen Chapur talks of pain

But in love and marriage, life and politics, lies happen.

In the wake of the Mark Sanford  "out hiking" story, I remembered a book by jury consultant Jo-Ellan Dimitrius.  She has worked on over 600 trials – from OJ Simpson to the Enron scandal. She has written  “Reading People: How to Understand People and Predict Their Behavior — Anytime, Anyplace.”  It is a book about truth and lies. ABC NEWS

What I find really fascinating about people who tell lies is how they  manage to lie and keep their stories straight?  In my world the truth is so much easier to remember.

Another word  about lies:

It is very easy to lie to ourselves.  As such it helps to have girlfriends who keep us honest or support us when we bear the brunt of a tangled web of lies. Here is a group supporting Jenny Sanford Palmetto_Family_Council: Stand_with_Jenny Campaign

And here are two other stories that point to the value of  friends and facing ourselves honestly.

 An open letter to the girlfriends of Jenny Sanford, wife of South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford

Matters of the heart: mirror, mirror on the wall…when you don’t like what you see, don’t turn away

Copyright 2009 Rita Watson