Paris for President? That’s Hot!

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August 6, 6:17 PM

by Bernie Thomas, Baltimore News and Traffic Examiner

 

 

With the price of oil rising beyond the comfortable reach of the American Middle Class, people are driving less, canceling vacations, and walking or biking to closer destinations. We have found ourselves having to compensate for our government’s shortsightedness, while the presidential candidates of the two major parties bicker as to who has the better plan to extricate us from the oil crisis. But it seems another voice, has risen above the fray. Yes folks, as if this election wasn’t strange enough, Paris Hilton is joining in the fun.

With the deliberate, but ill-advised, airing of his last Obama-bashing commercial, John McCain opened the floodgates and inadvertently invited Paris Hilton to play. Whether by accident or design, Ms. Hilton has kept a relatively low profile after her online video escapades and month long visit to the pokey due to her high-profile shenanigans. Granted, Paris is not the ideal candidate, but I believe she is honest and truthful, unlike some who have held the nation’s highest office.

Why, it seems like only yesterday Clinton said, “I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Miss Lewinsky. I never told anybody to lie, not a single time; never.” Well bucko, he may not have had sex with “that woman,” but he did manage to change the definition of what sex was. Apparently, thanks to him, oral is no longer considered sex, so it’s little wonder teenager girls have taken to indulging teenage boys in high school bathrooms. In light of that, who could possibly accuse Paris of trying to hide anything untoward, considering her internet video?

 According to her campaign spot aired this morning, she says she has the answer to America’s oil crisis. Believe it or not, she totally makes more sense than whatstheirnames. I'd love to show you what she said, but the folks who control the embedded code and the links, saw fit to disallow use by those comparing it to the greater good.

Even if I didn’t watch her reality show, The Simple Life, and even if I didn’t pay fifty bucks to watch her porn video (sorry, no link to that here—kids may be watching), I find I’m fascinated with the idea of Paris for President. Compared to every politician I’ve come to know and despise, how bad could she be? They have inept advisors. She could too. They have crooked, influential lobbyists. She could too. Special interest groups? Why not. What she won’t have is a need to line her pockets. She’s easier on the eyes than the major candidates and definitely looks better than Hillary, and if her campaign promise is to wear bathing suits for the State of the Union, she’s got my vote.

(AP Photo/Funny or Die Inc. Video courtesy YouTube.com)

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