Jimmie Johnson dominates Dover and NASCAR isn't the least bit happy about it

September 27, 10:13 PMNASCAR ExaminerJerry Wilson

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Mechanic Joe Claridge gives Jimmie Johnson a beer bath in Victory Lane after his win in the AAA 400 at Dover International Speedway. (Photo Credit: Jeff Zelevansky/Getty Images)

CONFIDENTIAL MEMO

From: NASCAR

To: Jimmie Johnson & Chad Knaus

Date: September 27, 2009

Messrs. Johnson and Knaus:

We are extremely displeased with your actions during today's AAA 400 at Dover International Speedway.

While we give you credit for winning the race in dominating fashion, we hold you personally responsible for the poor attendance at today's event and low television ratings for same. Yes, we know there was some rain in the area this morning. However, this alone cannot account for the sparse nature of the crowd. Clearly you bear the brunt of the responsibility for this, since you along with Dale Earnhardt Jr.'s difficulties this season are the primary reasons for NASCAR's decline in attendance and television ratings.

We also blame you for Joey Logano's accident. Certainly you were nowhere near the scene of the accident nor were you directly involved. Nevertheless, were not the other forty-two drivers participating in the race in such a surly mood due to your dominance throughout, we are confident Bobby Labonte never would have checked up with Logono checking up behind him and Tony Stewart unable to slow up in time to avoid hitting Logano which started the entire unfortunate series of events.

Our displeasure with you now being second in the standings, trailing our beloved Mark Martin by only ten points, cannot be over-emphasized. You appear set for yet another string of stellar performances leading to you winning the Sprint Cup for an unprecedented fourth straight year. This will result in even less fan interest in NASCAR, since no one loves a winner.

We request you cease your winning activities immediately. Failure to do so will result in an even sterner look from Mike Helton and snarkier comments by Brian France at this year's awards ceremony.

Sincerely yours,

NASCAR