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Mia Redrick
Baltimore Parenting ExaminerParenting expert Mia Redrick is an author, lecturer, radio personality, personal coach and mother of three young children. She is a leader in the push for the self-care of mothers, and shares her wisdom on how to raise children without sacrificing personal needs.
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Do You Like Your Children?
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by Mia Redrick, Baltimore Parenting Examiner
Over the weekend, I was speaking with a group of mothers at a birthday party. All the mothers were catching up on what has been happening over the summer with each of our families.
During the conversation, one mother asked me, “So what camp are your children attending this summer?” I answered, “Camp Redrick”. The Mother replied, “You must really like your children. I can’t stand being with my children for more than one week.”
She is a mother of three children between 3 and 12 years of age. She continued to share with us her frustrations with being overwhelmed, outnumbered and over tasked.
Her comments hit me square in the gut. Ouch!
I listened deeply to this mom and I could feel her pain. Her children were an inconvenience because she never learned how to carve out time to hear herself think when they were around. Instead they represented noise, problems, distraction, confusion and turmoil.
Often, as moms, we learn how to mother by default. We learn mothering techniques from our mothers. Many of us can relate to having a mother consumed with a clean and orderly home at all cost. Even if it meant that everyone played only in one room to keep things orderly. Others of us remember having mothers who associated mothering with always being busy and serving. Can any of you relate to having a mother who always ate the cold food that she prepared or the smallest serving to ensure that everyone else’s need were met? Or maybe you experienced the mother who never had time for anyone because she had a strong need to escape the demands of family? She was too busy to be consumed with the needs of the household at all and she was afraid to lose herself.
No matter what your experience, I can tell you that in my research for my book, Time for mom-Me:5 Essential Strategies for A Mother’s Self-Care, and coaching mother’s across the country, that all mothers have these Mom-Me scripts. Most of us play out these scripts very unconsciously and begin to create pattern in our own parenting by default. Through the coaching process, I challenge mothers to look at these patterns and challenge their productivity and effectiveness. When was the last time you considered the parallels between your mothers parenting and your own.
Almost always mothers come to realize that their parenting pattern resemble their mom-me life patterns. Many clients have observed the following similarities:
1. Excuse Making
2. Lack of Time management
3. Living life from a list of shoulds and oughts
4. Unrealistic expectations on themselves to be all things to everyone!!
5. Martyrdom syndrome
6. Lack of Joy- Going Through The Motions
7. Unclear about life purpose
8. Feeling guilt and selfish for taking care of themselves
9. Comparing themselves to the lives and expectations of their parents.
10. Isolated without a good system of support
Parenting can have its moments of ups and down. When we recognize that Self-Care is not negotiable but necessary to be the best parent and person possible, we are in a better place to enjoy our children. When mothers are whole, they can better enjoy the good and handle the difficult which is inevitable in parenting.
Live fully,
Mia
Topics: Time for mom-me
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