Interview with Jan Brown: Founder of the Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men and Women - Part One

September 18, 9:31 AMMesa Abusive Relationships ExaminerKayla Wardlow

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www.DAHMW.org

I recently wrote two articles concerning the topic of gender equality in domestic violence. Both contained information about the Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men and Women, founded by Jan Brown.

I received numerous emails, and about 40 of those advised me that my opinions were incorrect, "as Jan Brown would tell you, if you bothered asking her."

And so I wondered, what would Jan Brown say about the topics I covered? I emailed her to thank her for her comments on the articles, and ask if she would mind answering a few questions. Well, a few turned into a lot more (it always happens with me, lol), but she has agreed to answer them all, as time permits.

*****

How long have you been researching the subject of domestic abuse?

I started researching this subject in 1996.

How would you define domestic abuse?

Any physical, emotional, psychological, financial, and/or sexual abuse (threats to harm and/or actual harm) used by one person in a relationship to control the other person.

What prompted you to found the Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men and Women (DAHMW)?

A male friend came to me with a problem. His wife of 12 years was verbally and physically abusive towards him for their entire marriage. He had tried everything to get the abuse to stop but it continued. He had limited funds, she kept the check book in her name only and his paycheck and gave him $5 a week spending money. He was beside himself as to what to do but he felt he couldn't stay with her anymore. He was most concerned about his two young children...if he left she vowed that he would never see the kids again. I wanted to help my friend so I started searching for places that might be able to help him. I called the domestic violence victim services in the area and was told that they don't help men. That really ticked me off! I grew up during the whole bra burning and protest the war years and always thought of myself as a feminist. To me feminism is about equality not about women's rights above men's rights. I did a lot of research on the internet and found out that my friend was not alone; ignoring, discounting and minimizing men as victims was quite prevalent.

How do you feel the DAHMW has impacted those involved in domestic abuse, both the victims and the advocates?

For victims it has given them hope. They can call our crisis line and find out that some understands and believes them. They can also find out their options, get safety planning information and get further assistance with escaping abusive relationships.

Do you feel things have improved for male abuse victims recently?

Tough question to answer. Society has been taught over a period of many years that domestic violence is narrowly defined as violence against women by men. So if a woman uses violence against her partner it's still hard for most of society to recognize that as domestic violence.

The myth that abused women and men are not similarly situated i.e. it's believed that if a man is abused he has the ability to leave (he works and has money) because his circumstances are not as desperate as a woman's i.e. stay at home mom, no money etc. That was true once but not so much today.

We started this helpline 9 years ago and I can honestly say that progress has been very slow in coming. I would say that over the last two years there seems to be more recognition but we still have a long way to go. There are over 2000 dv shelter programs in the country for women...I have roughly estimated that less than 5% of them offer similar services to abuse women and men. Some will offer one on one support, court advocacy and help with filling out paperwork, one to two nights in a hotel for emergency shelter and that's about it.

Do you feel there is still much to be done?

ABSOLUTELY! ;-)

As for women who have been abused, do you see room for improvement in the options they have?

Definitely. There is too much of a one size fits all approach to the domestic violence system. Many of our domestic violence shelter programs are working from an antiquated philosophy, "the primary cause of dv is patriarchy." Battered women's advocates want to empower battered women yet the laws they have worked so hard to put in place many times take away women's power i.e. a women can't drop charges against her abusers. This may be a good thing for some women but not all.

Additionally, research has proven that there are many causes of dv, not just one. Linda G. Mills of NYU has written a few books on the subject, here is one of her most recent ones: www.violentpartners.com

Let's talk "gender wars". From what I've seen (limited though that may be), the topic of male abuse brings out the "radicals" from both sides of the aisle.

How do you feel about the men and women who claim male abuse is not a significant issue?

I wonder how they would know that given that most battered women's agencies refuse to help men. Many refer all male callers to batterer's intervention programs or say we can't help you because you are a man. ;-( Dr. Murray Straus of NHU Family Violence Lab has done extensive research on this subject since 1975 and he has found that although women suffer the most serious injuries when it comes to dv, there are a significant amount of men who are abused by women also.

And the women and men who believe that abuse towards women is over-exaggerated and unworthy of the attention it receives?

Domestic violence used to be much more focused on the physical violence. The definition of a battered women was that of a woman who was beaten by her husband/boyfriend. Now the definition is so much broader and includes looks and gestures as well as physical assaults. For truly abused women and men that's a good thing but for those who want to further abuse their victims all it takes in many cases is for a women to say she feels threatened and fears for her safety. How is an abused man going to prove that she is lying?

I don't agree that dv is unworthy of the attention it receives...I think it should get as much attention as possible... but it needs to be recognized as a social problem with no gender boundaries...anyone can be a victim.

Abusive women have an advantage in that the court empathizes with abused women a great deal and will in most instances "err on the side of caution" when ruling on a civil protection order. To that end abusive women can use the court system to further abuse their male victims by having them accused of being the abuser. For more on this topic you can read my guest blog at: http://blogs.courant.com/overcoming_battered_lives/2009/09/debunking-the-myths-anyone-can.html

A big thanks to Jan Brown for answering these questions. If you'd like to be notified via email when the remaining questions and answers are posted, please hit the subscribe button at the top of the page.

If you are a man or woman who is being abused, you can contact DAHMW toll free at 1-888-7HELPLINE (1-888-743-5754), or click the link at the top of the page for access to resources in your city or state.

For more info on domestic violence, or to view older and upcoming articles, please click here to subscribe. If you'd like to participate in the interviews, share your story, have any questions or a topic you'd like to see, contact me at kayla@trailsofdeath.com