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Women of Baltimore, hear my cry. Mine is a plea that, I guarantee you, is echoed all over America by thousands of frustrated spa employees, massage therapists and aestheticians. Please, we beseech you. Do not bring your children to your spa appointment.
Why is it inappropriate? Allow me to explain…
Q. Why shouldn’t I bring my child to a spa appointment?
A. There are myriad reasons why bringing your offspring along to your eyebrow wax is a bad idea. For one thing, our receptionists and sales associates are not paid or trained to be babysitters. They have a different job, and they are doing it, in this, their place of business. Nowhere on any spa’s application for employment will you find that duties include randomly, suddenly watching a guest’s child while you are fulfilling the actual responsibilities of your position.
Q. What if I want to bring my child into the room with me? It’s only an eyebrow wax.
A. If you have the grapes to try to bring your child into the private waxing room (I know, it may sound crazy, but this really has happened to me, more than a few times), you are now bringing your little one into the least child-friendly environment imaginable, complete with hot wax, electrical gadgets and sharp pointy objects at their eye level. In the midst of all this, your maternal instinct is such that if the fruit of your loins makes the tiniest noise, you automatically turn your head or sit up suddenly. Is this really what you want to do when I am applying hot wax to your face? Sound scary? IT IS. I absolutely dread this whole situation. It puts me in such an uncomfortable position, trying to do precise work and having to constantly look up to make sure nothing bad is happening, anticipating when you are going to suddenly jerk your head a little, causing possible disaster. I once had a client try to breast-feed while I was doing her facial. And another who held her newborn as I waxed her brows (I needed a scotch after that one), and the worst of them all, the woman who insisted on bringing her seven-year-old son in to witness her bikini wax. But it’s only a few minutes…
Q. Do spa employees hate children?
A. No, of course not. We are afraid of something bad happening to your baby on our watch. I know about a squillion aestheticians, massage therapists, makeup artists and sales associates who not only love children, but are devoted mothers themselves, some several times over. And they never bring their young’uns to the spa while they’re working.
Look, the spa environment is completely at odds with what it’s like to be a kid. Spas are quiet, and folks pay their hard-earned money for their facials and massages. It’s tough to be perfectly still and quiet when you’re little, and you shouldn’t have to be. It’s a lot to ask of everyone involved…oh, except for you.
Q. What if I ask the employees to watch my child while I’m having my appointment, and they say sure, no problem, we don’t mind, he’s adorable?
A. They are lying. Not about the adorable part, of course. But they don’t want to anger you, and they want to please you as a client. I have witnessed the pain in a sales associate’s eyes when falling victim to the guerilla forced-babysitting tactics of a rushed mom with her four-year-old. As the associate attempts to discuss the benefits of regular exfoliation with a customer, Mommy’s Little Miracle is relieving the shelves of their contents.
There is not a spa receptionist alive who doesn’t cringe when asked to take on the enormous responsibility of your child’s safety, even for a few minutes. Please just don’t do it.
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