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How to talk to your kids about the shootings at Fort Hood
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Major Malik Nidal Hasan
It doesn’t matter if you think your kids have seen it or not, they have. They’ve heard people talking about it, praying about it, crying about it, ranting about it, and it’s been on every television channel and radio show, and every commercial break all day long.
Major Nidal Malik Hasan, An army psychiatrist opened fire at Fort Hood, Texas. Twelve people are dead, many are injured, and there seems to be no reason for the violence. Luckily, he was captured alive, so we won’t be left forever asking why.
Hasan, who is 39, worked for six years at Walter Reed Army Medical Center with a fellowship in disaster preventive psychiatry. He was scheduled for deployment to Iraq later this month, and was angry about it, but angry enough to shoot people?
According to The Associated Press, federal officials have been trying to determine whether or not Hasan was the author of Internet posts about suicide bombings and other threats.
President Obama states, “It’s difficult enough that we loose these great Americans in battles overseas. It’s horrifying that they should come under fire at an Army base on American soil.”
The Islamic nature of his name has people talking about terrorism.
As you’re learning all of the facts of this story, your children are too. The difference between you and them is that you can absorb all of the facts of the story, and they can’t. Geographically, you know where Texas is, and they don’t. They hear key words like gunman, shooting, killing, suicide bomb, terrorist, army, and dead.
Children today feel more anxiety than any generation before them. Every day, they hear about the war, murders, bodies, death tolls, suicide bombings, and women and children being among the casualties. It makes the world, which should be magic, fun, and filled with games of tag and cops-and-robbers, a very scary place. As parents, it’s our job to make sure that the things they see and hear about current events are not ruling our little one’s lives.
As they look to us for guidance, we have to lead by example and show them how to act, and talk to them about their feelings.
1. Create a feeling of safety-Repeat the phrase, “You are safe,” numerous times in your conversation. Talk about school, talk about mommy and daddy’s work being safe, and talk about everywhere they frequent as being safe.
2. Don’t forget to listen-Let them complete their thoughts as they try to tell you how they feel, what they think about the situation, and their emotions. You might be surprised at how wise they are.
3. Answer questions clearly-Don’t try to get too deep, and have strong confident answers followed up with a statement about how they are safe.
4. Be age appropriate-Tiny kids just need to be reassured that they are safe, home is safe, school is safe, mommy and daddy are safe, and they are protected. Upper elementary and middle school kids will ask tougher questions and expect real answers, but they are still young enough to have overblown fantasies in their head. You will have to sort out fantasy from reality through talking to them. They will also be the most emotional group, feeling deep sympathy for the people who lost their lives, their families, and children. High school kids will be able to talk about it rationally, and less fearful of it happening around them. They too understand geography and reality.
5. Make a safety plan-again, be age appropriate. Tell them the steps to take if they every encounter a gunman, where the best hiding places are, how to call 911, and what to say.
6. Art it out-Have them draw a picture about what they heard happening. Talk about it with them.
7. Turn off the media-Spend a few days with the television and radio off when the kids are home, play some board games, and talk about everything in the world.
8. Sometimes people do bad things-Explain to them that sometimes people are on drugs, drunk on alcohol, or sick, and they do bad things. Talk about being angry and making good choices about handling anger. Talk about how it is bad to hurt other people. Talk about drugs and alcohol being bad. Make sure to let them know that if they feel angry, they can talk about it to an adult they trust.
9. Talk about the Army men who stopped Hasan from being able to hurt anyone else. Now he is going to be in jail for a long time. Talk about the bravery of the people who came in contact with Hasan, and how they deserve to be the ones everyone is talking about.
When you are confident, create a safe environment, and make it a point to remove the story from your child’s daily life, they will realize that there aren’t gunmen waltzing around everywhere, and that there are adults all around that will keep them safe.
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