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When do I pick the battle?
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Emotional intelligence, or EQ, is the business world's measurement tool defining those who have intuitive social skill and a keen eye for how to understand politics and culture. Those high in EQ are said to have good social interaction with peers, superiors and subordinates and are able to get things done. Those with low EQ seem to step on everyone's toes. Regardless of which point on the spectrum you fall, picking your battles is all too important.
Starting off in my career, I would hear the phrase "Know when to pick your battles." I had an idea of what it meant, but until I actually chose a battle and did so at the wrong time, with the wrong person, for unimportant reasons, I didn't know what I didn't know!
I was new to my leadership position and walked into an equity partner's office to discuss personnel changes that were to take place with or without his consent (though my goal was to obtain his consent). For those who do not know how law firms work, an equity partner is a big as they get. It would be the equivalent of a court jester going to argue a point with the king!
I started my spiel of how he needs to do this, and why it needs to be done like this and who needs to do what. It took him five words to make me the court jester and leave me speechless. "What does my department do?" I stared at him. "Tell, me? What do my secretaries, paralegals and attorneys do?" I started to stammer, but even that was futile. "How can you tell me your decision, and why I should do something, when you don't even know our workload and what we do here? Learn what we do and then come back and we can talk."
Every point was valid, and I knew the definition of what my supervisor once told me, "Learn to choose your battles." I learned three things from that meeting:
1. Misinformation is no information. Get the facts and only the facts
Don't argue a point, no matter how passionate you are, unless you have all the facts. As we all know, there are three sides to a story: Your side, their side and the right side. Until you know them all, you will only look foolish and lose credibility.
2. Timing is everything - wait for the right temperature
Ever jump into the shower thinking it's hot and it's cold? Grab a hot cup of coffee to find out its cool? You have to make sure all parties are in favorable mindset and that the argument you are trying to make are valid at that point in time. It's often best to write a letter and stick it in your desk drawer. Take it out the next morning and then decide if you still want to send it. Nine times out of ten, you thought better to just let it go.
3. Humble yourself, learn to walk away and believe in Karma
Did your employee or manager just do something to upset you? Do you want to e-mail your supervisor or employee and let them know about it? Don't you just want to prove your point right now?!? Don't. On average, things come around full circle and you will earn more respect by keeping your chin up and letting most things slide off your back. Keep in mind that people watch what you do and the higher road is usually more scenic.
In the end, that equity partner and I became good friends and colleagues. I took his words as a learning experience and I applied them to both that situation and life. I learned all about his practice. I sat with his secretaries and interviewed his paralegals. I took an interest in his work. I was then able to see their side of things and understand why they were resistant to my original battling point. I was not wrong, they were not wrong, and together we were right.
Next time you go to battle a point or something similar, decide if you want to be embarrassed. If you don't care, then good luck!
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