Isn't it ironic?

December 27, 11:19 AMDenver Live Music ExaminerWilliam Jiles

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Until today, I never realized just how many people shop at Urban Outfitters.On my ritual migration from Denver to Boulder I was virtually disemboweled by hordes of neon framed sunglasses, distastefully printed graphic tee shirts, and feathered headbands. Naturally in a situation like this I wanted to launch a pair of boot cut jeans at all of them, but Old Navy's sale prices just aren't cheap enough for a feat like this. When do we draw the line between ironic and just plain stupid and ugly? Many of our favorite music artists wear things that they shouldn't. Samantha Ronson hobbles around in women's clothes and pounds of gold chain necklaces, Karen O., of the Yeah Yeah Yeahs, has managed herself into a splatter painted skin tight unitard and Amy Winehouse ritually displays black tar heroin track marks paired with a belly similar to a malnourished Ethiopian male. Irony?

I used to think that some good 'ole bargain bin Eddie Bauer jeans, black shoes, brown belt and a Bronco logo-ed matching jean button up shirt was ironic, until I saw Doctor Phil, when I promptly stated, "Stupid and Ugly". No one can expect us to catch on any quicker than we already have, but if we're not careful we could end up like Danny Bonaduce and that's a rock bottom so far down that not even methadone treatment and a job as shift supervisor at 7-11 can fix. We've worn children's Pokemon shirts, Dora the Explorer lunchboxes, and thumb rings. When will we learn? And honestly, how can we be expected to with lunatics like Ashlee Simpson and Mariah Carey running around blindly wearing velour track suits and offensively bedazzled stomach jewelery?

I watch E! just as much as the next person legally confined to their house on in-home-detention, but what I'm quickly, and most importantly learning, that it is never, ever, EVER, under any circumstances, okay to wear a wallet chain.

Wallet Chain Side Effects: