Hulkster wanted to be a headbanger

November 6, 10:11 AMBoston Rock Music ExaminerMichael Christopher

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Hulk Hogan wanted to trade in this gold for some heavier metal

The name Hulk Hogan is synonymous with pro wrestling, so it’s hard to imagine the bleached blond bronze behemoth doing anything but the scripted sport.

But had he gotten a return phone call from a certain metal band, the yellow tights and championship belt might have been exchanged for black jeans and a bass guitar, according to an interview Hogan did this week to promote his new autobiography My Life Outside the Ring.

“When Metallica was looking for a bass player, I called and never heard a word back from them,” he told the Chicago Tribune. “I would have quit wrestling in a heartbeat to be a bass player for Metallica.”

That’s not even the oddest part. Years before, Hogan set his sights on the vacant bass slot in The Rolling Stones.

“I was in England presenting an award with Jerry Hall, Mick Jagger’s ex, and she told me the Stones were looking for a bass player,” he said. “I sent her a ton of merchandise that she asked for and said ‘Tell Mick I’m a great bass player.’ I never heard a word back.”

At least he set his sights on the top of the musical heap, but it’s clear that Hogan was delusional as the fans who still think wrestling is real if he thinks any high profile act would welcome him into the band.

Can you just imagine Hogan strutting along with Mick Jagger in front of 60,000 people while nimbly laying down the bassline to “Miss You?”

Didn’t think so.

And banging his head alongside Metallica guitarist Kirk Hammett; delivering the punishing bass riff that opens up “For Whom the Bell Tolls?”

Exactly.

How dysfunctional must a band be to welcome the insanity of bringing in not just a professional wrestler, but the most popular and iconic professional wrestler in the entire world? Well, maybe Van Halen, who recently toured with a 16 year-old on bass, but other than that, it would be career suicide.

Honestly; would Hogan cup his hand to his ear and tear off his shirt during each concert? Before the encore, would he ask the other bandmembers to knock him down only so he could “Hulk up,” convulsing his entire body, bugging his eyes out and pointing his index finger at his frontman or drummer?

And how long would it take before WWE CEO Vince McMahon got involved, coming up with some sort of gimmick to tie into an upcoming pay-per-view? Maybe he’d have The Big Show rush the stage and chokeslam Hogan while he performed his nightly bass solo.

It’s not like music hasn’t worked alongside wrestling before, dating back to the mid-80s, when the recently departed Captain Lou Albano started a feud with the then chart-topping Cyndi Lauper.

Pro wrestling and hard rock have proven time and again to be an irresistible cocktail for over hormonal young men. Bands like Kiss, Motorhead and Motley Crue have all taken part in various wrestling promotions in recent years. Just this past Monday, Ozzy Osbourne took to WWE Raw to pimp his upcoming I Am Ozzy autobiography.

But to take it seriously, and thinking that it could work with any credibility? That’s about as realistic as Andre the Giant doing a backwards moonsault off the top turnbuckle - except of course to Hogan and maybe an eight-year old in Omaha, Nebraska.