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Focusing on the positive, instead of the negative in relationships
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When deciding which to focus on, go for the positive
I do not believe I will be divulging overly intimate information regarding my marriage when I state, at times, my husband can drive me crazy.
First of all, I am a clean freak. My husband...Not as much. Despite my numerous reminders, I have come to accept he is completely incapable of rinsing out a glass before placing it in the sink. After a shower, instead of hanging his wet towel back up to dry or taking it to the laundry, it is laid on the bed...Usually on my side. Nearly every morning before he leaves for work, you can track his progression through the house by the trail of dirty clothes, dirty towels, and dirty dishes he leaves behind. Now, before you begin to feel sorry for my husband since I am openly revealing all of his little idiosyncrasies and quirks, let me elaborate on two points.
First, this short list of minor annoyances is nothing compared to the positive traits he possesses. He loves Jesus and is a man of God. He is a wonderfully attentive and involved father. He is fantastically creative and talented. He is giving, compassionate, and genuine. I know I can always depend on him and our son and I will always be surrounded with love and respect. Secondly, the only reason I become aggravated at his habits is because of my personality and my attitude. My husband is not a slob; I am just extremely tidy and organized.
Here is the bottom line; any person you are involved with is going to have some habits or personality traits which drive you crazy. However, if you are in a relationship with someone, it is assumed his or her positive characteristics outweigh the negative. But how often do we bring those good traits to light? Or compliment our loved ones on the wonderful things they do?
Unfortunately, I know there have been stretches of time where I have said nothing positive to my husband and only called him out on the things he did wrong; forgot the trash, did not pick up his clothes before he left for work, and so on. I began to fear I was becoming a negative influence in his life and this realization left me sad and ashamed. I should be taking every opportunity to build his confidence and show my appreciation for the good he does, not tearing him down; after all, I love him.
Absolutely nothing can be gained by negativity. Ultimately, I have a choice each day to be a positive force and I should be willing to bite my tongue about the dirty dishes or the laundry - it is just not that important and certainly not worth the strife it can cause in our marriage.
If you enjoyed this article, please click here to read more! If you have a relationship question or would like to suggest a topic for a future article, please email me at tmoraexaminer@yahoo.com
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